Light bulbs
 

How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
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Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis, I mean the ladder.





BAHAHahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *snort snort snort*

How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?










Just one. But the bulb has to really WANT to change.


:p

*shakes head in shame* ;)

*giggles*

too funny

Here's one for Lilith........
 

One.














How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?


:p :cool:

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?






Two.


One to assure us that EVERY THING is under complete control and being handled by the experts at this very minute:D


While the other one screws it into the faucet.:eek:

BAHAHAhahahaaaaaaaaa!!


Durn. Yers wuz better'n mine. LOL

I think you may have started a LOOOOOOOOOONG lived thread here Randy.:D We should see a lot of good material posted here.;)

Well I know I could go on forever..........you better hope I run out of light bulb jokes! :p



How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?










Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure. :rolleyes:


(I LOVE the eye rolling!)

How many methodists..
 

does it take to change a light bulb?

We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.

LMAO:D


see Randy:) I told you this would be a gold mine of good material.

Leos
 

Being a Leo myself, I can appreciate this one:

How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?

One: He holds the bulb, and the world spins around him.

OK. Now I want the other 11. ;)

You had to ask, PF
 

How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one Arian, but an awful lot of light bulbs.

How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two, but the job never gets done --- they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.


How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's see: One to spot the bulb, one to record the time the bulb burned out and the date it was bought, one to decide who's fault it is the bulb burned out and ask why that brand was chosen in the first place, ten to decide to remodel the house as long as they're changing the bulb ...

How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Why change the bulb? Isn't it more romantic in the dark?


How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?

That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole bunch: You can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn apiece.

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Capricorns can't afford new lightbulbs --- unless they're a legitimate business expense.


How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A hundred, but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.

How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Huh? The light's out?

LMAO Nubian

Here is one for you PF.. :D

Definition of: How many (name of group of people/persons) does it take to change a light bulb ?

Answer: (A finite positive integer F) One to change the bulb, and the rest to (behave in a manner stereotypical of their group) or (say something stereotypical of their group in certain situations)

Note: If F<2 then the joke can still be extremely funny, but you will probably need to choose a different generating formula. Where F=0, particular cleverness is required.

Those are grrrrrrrreat Nubian! Thanks! (LOVE the Methodist one!!!) LMAO

How they change the light bulbs in the original Star Trek

Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead.

Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives.

Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.

Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection.

Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry.

Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk and party.

The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

LOL- that's as bad as when sombody asks about jazz.;)

Cheyanne-
How did you get to see the script for Star Treck XVIII?




LMAO:D

Why didn't they just beam up a bulb? :D OMG LOL LOL






*beam me up snotty....er....i mean scotty!*

How would Captain Kirk get to fight the giant cave worm or fuck the chiefs daughter if they did that Randy?

well instead of beaming it up... they could send the bulb with the unnamed crew man from the landing party... he could be electrocuted as he screwed it into the socket....

Re: How many methodists..
 

Actually with UMC members you usually have to have it referred up to the bishop, and it'll get tabled for discussion at the next General Conference.

How many MSCEs does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just wait for Bill Gates to declare Dark(tm) to be the new standard.

*dadaist, how does one make the TM mark in a forum like this?* LOL





How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?





Billions and billions.


:D

Here's a special one for dadaist tonite!
 

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?




Two.
One to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools and round orbs.

How many dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fish.

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?









Two...but we still can't figure out how they got in there

LMAO ryker.... :D :D

Stand back people, crap joke master coming through......

Q. How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a software problem.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway

Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done

Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.

Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years

Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.

Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.

Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!!!

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

OK that's it for now.................although I might be back ;)

Sorry couldn't resist ;)

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Economists
 

How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces
would have already caused it to happen.

Hurry back FussyPucker.:D Loved um.

How many mundanes does it take to change a light bulb?





Just one.

How many Baptists....
 

does it take to change a lightbulb?

One hundred and nine.

Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the twelve on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the fifteen on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the eighteen-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the twenty-seven Member church Board, who appoint another twelve-member review committee.

If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs.

Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the twenty-three-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Lucifer. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more lightbulb has burned out.

How many Irishmen does it take to change a light bulb?




A:
101, one to hold the bulb, 100 to turn the house around