I wish I could sleep because ... I'm really feeling tired.

Sex is really fun ...

Sex is really fun ... at all times.

Why do we have to ...

Why do we have to work?

Sex is the best when...

Sex is the best when...you're not doing it alone

You can never get enough sex because

You can never get enough sex because it just feels too good!

A good friend once said....

A good friend once said ... "shins are the part of the body designed to find things in the dark."


Every survival kit should include ...

Every survival kit should include ... a lovely young companion to keep the victim company. :D :D

Tomorrow is another ...

Tomorrow is another day for being alive, and well..having sex...

I am waiting for.....

I am waiting for.....that one brief moment that I can get a word in edgewise and somebody will actually listen carefully and truly understand the joke is not a joke....

All the young dudes was a song sung by...

All the young dudes was a song sung by David Bowie, and written by him too.

The books you would take to a desert island if you were going to spend the rest of your life there are.......

The books you would take to a desert island if you were going to spend the rest of your life there are.......mny by my fave authors to keep me occupied

I'm sure suzy was looking for a better answer but

I'm sure Suzy was looking for a better answer but ... but in my state of arousal, it was hard to think of anything clever.

Reaching for the doorknob ...

Reaching for the doorknob ... is kinda useless in an elevator.

The real reason women use vibrators is ...

The real reason women use vibrators is ...they haven't met the pixies men needed to satisfy them

I only eat red jujubes because

I only eat red jujubes because ... the blue ones clash with my jeans. (Okay, so it's a flakey end to the sentence. :D)

I carry a box of Kleenex ...

I carry a box of Kleenex ...in case I sneeze - why do you?

I need a vacation because

I need a vacation because my boss is an asshole and I am going to choke him if I dont get some time off soon.

I would love it if someone would...

I would love it if someone would ... save the whales.

If necessary, press the ...

If necessary, press the ... button labeled "Press, if necessary." :D :D

Place your order ...

Place your order...into the microphone located in the clown's mouth, then drive around to the rear to pick up your food.

Walking in the dark...

Walking in the dark...to pick up the order, he was mugged. :(

(Don't you hate sad stories? :))

Building a deck ...

Building a deck ...is a lost cause for me seeing as I already have one

walking in memphis

Walking in Memphis is something I would like to do one day.

Walking in the snow....

Walking in the snow....can be very peaceful

wandering aimlessly through the rain

Wandering aimlessly through the rain ... can also be fun ... wet, but fun. :)

Give me enough rope ...

Give me enough rope ... but aren't there better uses for hemp?


Parading down the street ...

Parading down the street ... the naked couple drew loud applause!

A bird in hand ...

A bird in hand ... will usually peck the hell out of you!

To claim prizes ...

To claim prizes ... produce your raffle ticket.

For crying out loud ...

For crying out loud ... cry silently:p


6 men and 1 woman make...

6 men and 1 woman make...for one very happy gal ... and raises Kleenex stock three points. :D :D

Louisiana Woman ... Mississippi Man ...

Louisiana Woman ... Mississippi Man ...love-making with a soft southern accent.


The last time I drank too much ...

The last time I drank too much ... was years and years ago.

The last time I talked to a policeman ....

The last time I talked to a policeman .... , I'm sure he must have had a malfunctioning radar gun.


The vibrator buzzing ...

The vibrator buzzing ... told me someone was having fun.

K-Y Gel on the dresser ...

K-Y Gel on the dresser...tells me someone is anticipating some fun.

Give someone an inch....

Give someone an inch.....and damn if they don't want a mile.

Damn if you do....

Damn if you do ... because no good deed goes unpunished.

What I'd like to do now is ...

What I'd like to do now is ... spend a month touring Australia and New Zealand.

Forgetting his rendezvous with her ...

Forgetting his rendezvous with her ... was really tough since they were Siamese Twins. (Okay, I'm sorry ... the devil made me do it. :))

Monday always ...