Im not really sure where this should be posted so Ill post it here since this thread is full of emotions. Ive been having a constant battle in my head over alot of things, but this one is the worst that I may never truely win...just subdue my feelings and press on. A friend told me I should post this on Pixies because it shows alot of who I am. If theres people out there struggling with problems that seem like they will never leave, you are not alone.

I wrote this a couple days ago, when I was really down. I wrote this from what I was thinking at that very second. Here goes...

The feeling inside, so sharp, so painful. The loneliness cuts my soul like a fiery blade from which I know not where it came. Will I ever be released? Releashed from my tomb of dispair and torment. Will the shear dark leave my place of happiness, my temple. Who will free my heart, my mind, soul and body? Who will bring forth true love, so sweet and innocent. The smiles of a goddess and the heart of an angel. One who I can truely let go, of myself, my feelings that are hidden so deep. My dreams be unfolded into the light of her fair figure. When can I be truthful, to myself, to my heart? I wonder aimlessly in search of the soul to free my own, to let me be who I am, not who they want to see. Will I find such a creature of beauty, of love and peace? Or must I suffer with one who I love not truely, not deeply. Can certain ties be stong enough to hold us together, o little ones. How beautiful they are...I clear my mind and see their sweet faces, so innocent and playful. I love them more than my existance itself. For I know that tie together will long outlast myself, the world and eternity. But why, why do I suffer so? Feelings of hurt and sorrow, hidden by tears and words. Will she ever change? Or just try to change me... Why cant she love me..for who I am, for what I am and not for her perception of what I should be. What is wrong with me? Should I hold strong for those I do love, or break away and hope they forgive me. Tears rolling down my face, the pain of losing. But am I long lost already? My heart seems so dry, lifeless and withdrawn. Why must I live this way..can I ever have a mate to love me..truely and deeply...forever...and keep my loves close. My heart says aye, but my mind disagrees. A life lived lonely is a life I must live, to keep my true love of the innocent ones. My heart rolls over to rest, never to wake again...

Love2~ You've got me again:( I send you hugs (((((HUGS))))) It is beautiful. To think that you can find a way to release your pain and create something of beauty shows the true essence of a man.:)

Thank you hun, it does feel good to let go even though you never really can. I didnt know what I was writing or if it would be a mess, but it actually flows. I always think in words like this, but never have a recorder to catch it and can never remember what to write when i do lol.

Join the club, man. Don't you just hate it when the words come faster than you can type? Kudos to you! Not many men can or will admit, even to themselves, that they feel anything worth writing about, much less poetry. Keep it up and be proud you can share.

Thanks Murphy, this site has brought out alot in me about sharing. Mostly from a friend that got me here. A good part of my day is sitting outside at work, thinking and and spurting out words. But I havent the time to copy em down at work so they get messed up when I try to remember em. Sharing is a good thing. It tells others what you go through and what kind of person you are. The only thing I dont like sometimes is that Im highly critical with things I do. But once something is written, I dont cahnge it because it may change the meaning of what I'm trying to say.

Heres another that I wrote awhile back..
hand and hand
as we walk down the beach,
the soft sands
upon our feet.

rays of sunlight
as we begin to share,
the gentle winds
flowing through our hair.

alone together
as candles burn bright,
the stars above
that twinkle at night.

we settle down
for a good nights rest,
and look back on the day we had..
tis one of the best.

many more like this in the future
not just one in a few,
I'll do everything i can
because I love you.

Futures

Hold my hand
as we go from this place.
Life opens doors
with unexpected grace.

But with you at my side
I will walk unafraid.
My strength is you
in light and in shade.

Whisper a word
If I should stumble.
Squeeze my fist
If I start to grumble.

From here we go forward
A new chapter starts.
The past is still with us
Locked up in our hearts.

If someone wanted to start a thread of poems you like/are fond of written by others, I'd be game. I'm very much NOT a creative writer myself.

Glyndwr, your soul is as beautiful as you are eloquent...TY

not a poem, but...

Come to me.

You are my Polaris, my beacon. The unwavering astral light that guides me. You are my sole love, you are the soul of my love. The distance between us threatens to obscure my touch, my sight, my passion. It reaches out its’ tentacles, covering my eyes, constricting my body, trying to pull us apart. I thrash, wrenching free of the suffocating hold that dominated me: there is no chasm wide enough, no distance strong enough, that has the power to shroud me.

Or you.

Only you can soothe the agony of isolation that chokes me when we are scattered. Here, I offer myself to you in unconcealed supplication. Shed your evanescent matter and come to me. Extend your soul in ethereal caress and enfold me. You are the sacrificial stone upon which I seek redemption. You are my altar. You are my own beyond. Bring us close and mend the wreckage for I am damaged by our separation.

Severed of you, I am wandering and craven. Bind us and I am subjugated beneath your will, exposed and unguarded. I am helpless to resist you, unwilling to. There can be no boundaries between us. No telling where one begins or ends. Our unity is all that will sustain me. Pervade my innermost hollows and replenish them with your strength. Fill my flesh, my heart, my marrow, where I lie in fractured elements. They lie waiting for the fulfillment only you can grant. I am rendered a slave, bound and compelled to submit, to accept, to bask in your benevolence. I offer myself up to you not only in obeisance but also in rapture.

And wait upon your surrender.

I have surrendered to you, to the need I have for you. I have greedily taken all that I lack. I am ready for the moment you are as unbridled, as helpless, as needy, as I. Consume my soul to replenish the voids inside yours. I am the sustenance for your starving spirit. Taste, take, draw, drink, all that you need from me. Know that I give it to you willingly, with delight.

The moment has come. We have shared more than flesh, more than intangible coupling. We are not as we were; we are more than a sum. Survival alone now would be a barren existence without our eternal bond.

Very beautiful, very expressive.

thank you, lilith