24 and your life is over?????? You haven't even begun to pay your dues hun! Even the rich can be miserable! You base your worth on money.....and you'll never know true self worth till you begin to love yourself for you....not the money you make or don't make!

Life is NOT easy.......nothing about it is easy! You can look at the richest person on the planet.....and he still has problems!

I'm actually offended that you've totally given up hope because you lack money and no one will give you a break. You haven't even lived long enough to experience true strife! I don't wish strife on you and yours......but you have a lot of gall to think you are desparately down and out! You've had the opportunity of education.....yet you are dumber than a bag-o-rocks!

Feeling sorry for yourself are ya? Have you ever been to the childrens ward of a hospital? You should try it sometime.......cause there are kids there much, much younger than you with far worse problems than you have.........and yet they have hopes....dreams......smiles.......and are smarter about the important things in life than you'll ever know!

If I were a bible thumper I'd prolly say something like.......The lord helps those who help themselves!

Instead....I'll just say.......I hope you hang around long enough to be able to look back one day and remember this thread and think to yourself.....DAMN! They were right!


What goes around come around! Laugh and the world laughs with you.....cry and you cry alone! Every dog has his day! If you lie in shit you wake up stinking! You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd! If the world deals you lemons....make lemon aide!

And so on....and so on....and so on!

You are all right. I was just thinking tonite and well things just are not that bad.

God, I just really hate myself lately, but mostly I hate the way I have been acting. I mean I don't want to be an ass and I told a friend today that I just very well loose my firends and not make any new ones over all this drama if I keep it up.

Well I am struggling becuase part of my perosnal beliefs were that maybe God does look out for you and that everything has a reason and true happiness comes when we realize that. That the reason times are sotough right now is that I am being tested and it will only make me stronger everday. The problm is that I just feel so spiritually weak. I argue with people all the time. I pick fights with those who wish to help, and well I am sure you ahve noticed I am a tad bit obessed with money and the number 5.

Over a year ago if you would have asked me how I felt about money I would have said it was not important to me at all. That I would be happy just because I have a roof over my head, three meals a day, and that is all I need. I would call myself blessed becuase I felt the work I was doing wa fulfilling and the trick to being happy is to love what you are doing. Now I spend every waking moment worrying about if I can make my payments on the credit cards or if my car will break down. As my firend Larry said the other day, dude you have some serious hang ups lately about your survival skills. When I met you, you were not worried at all about anything and was in a permanent state of happiness.

I mean sure my job sucks ass, but you know what I jsut won't quit it that easily. I take pride on my levels of perserverance and never beofre have I quit any job just because well it just sucks so bad. Besides someday I may be rewarded for my tenactiy which borders on stupidity.

The other thing is that I recently took out about $4,000 out of my life insurance policy and well I was gonna pay it off in a lump sum on one of my credit cards, but now I want to use that money to augment my meager income which will allow me to pay bills for another year at least.

Oh yeah and well since my parents don't believe in going to see a real shrink unless it is for drugs. I will use some of this money to go see a guy who won't tell me my misery is caused by sin and try to convert me to Christianity. I told my mom that if I wanted to be told that I am evil and I deserve what I get I can listen to her for free.

This is important becuase well it is obvious the engineering gig won't turn out like I planned and one of the earliest peices of advice was to go back to college and get a teaching certificate. I always said I never had the money for it and well even if I did I would still have to work full time to pay my current bills. Well now it seems I will have no problem at all!

I mean I do feel a sort of calling to become a teacher. I had always been like a mentor to my little borther and his friends. I tutored math and science throughout college and was damn good at it. (Became sort of an on campus celebrity in my own right). I absolutely loved being a TA. I had always talked about teaching, but at the college level since I would also like to do research too. However, maybe at the high school level it won't be so bad. Besides just messing with the little kids mind is just so tempting.

Anyways, thanks for all of your advice. Just a few things of note:

Lixy, use a bad cliche one more time and I shall spank you.

Lil, if I ever get this whiny again on Pixie's just promise not to spank me.

I am a person who suffered untreated depression from 14 years old till, 30. I was physically and mentally abused as a child from about 8 years old and was gang raped at 16. I never had a real girl friend till 30.

I did not have half as bad an attitude as you do. The first thing to do is to stop going over the I am not good enough stuff and this I am going to kill myself stuff. OK you kill yourself, what will it achieve. It will hurt your parents family and friends IMMEASURABLY.

Now if you are truly depressed, go to a shrink and get medication to help you through the low.

Who said you have to make pizza forever? You have been looking for only 6 months. it took me a year to find a job after I was sick and it was not in medical engineering where I hold higher qualifications than you would. I work as an estimator and purchasing officer and am pleased to do it.

if you show such negative aspects to people then you are beaten before you start.

there are support groups to help people like you, start looking, talk frankly to your parents, more likely they are fed up with your negativity.

The world is a tough place, you get nothing for nothing, so start to use your brain instead of taking the easy way out before it even starts getting tough

Ok gonna add my piece here and you are not going to like it

This quote from your post...pisses me the fuck off!!

Ok what is it that makes ppl decide to tell ppl they are going to kill themselves?? They want help is what!!

If ya didnt want help or sympathy (which i aint giving by the way) they would just do it and not make the ppl they told feel like shit because they couldn't help!!

If you cannot listen to the good ppl here that have put forth some excellent ideas then...i'm sorry but get over it...if ya cant get over the major negativity you have going on then for fucks sake get some professional help

I find your defeatest attitude annoying....you need to get out of your funk before you go do something stupid

If you dont like your life...change it
If you know ppl dont like what comes outta your mouth...change it
If ppl dont like you as a person...then try to change it
If ya don't like ya job....change it

We can give you advice...we can give you a shoulder and support (willingly) But ultimately...

It is you that needs to help yourself!!! *hugz*

Join the Peace Corps or a aid agency. You will not get pay, but you will at the least get some work experience for your skills. At least you then get some pride back.

There! There you have it! More good advice....and obviously a little better outlook than you initially had! The way you were going.......continually saying I'm gonna kill myself......by the time you did it no one would have believed it anyway...and they would have stuck your body in a corner and hung coats on it and thanked their lucky stars that you had finally stopped talking about it! So.....every cloud has a silver lining *ducks*......

You actually pissed me off enough to have this thread in my thoughts as I went to sleep last night (which pissed me off even more for missing my fantasy thoughts.....lol!). I was thinking....ya know.....with his self proclaimed "cunning linguistic abilities".....I bet he talks himself right out of those jobs he's been applying for! A prospective employer doesn't want a smart-ass working for him/her......or anyone who perceives themselves as smarter than them, for that matter! I also thought......he seems like the kinda guy who doesn't want to start at the beginning (bottom) of the ladder......but wants to forge right into high level, CEO mode......and whos gonna hire you if that is the case!

We had a thread recently, about job interview do's and don'ts...but I can't remember who started that thread.....so maybe we could either start another or someone could do a search if they remember anything about it. It had excellent advice on it and I think you could benefit from that advice!

Hi CL,

While I can't say I've experienced anything near as extreme as you, I can say that I recognize many personality traits in myself. I lack confidence frequently, but I believe that I am improving, in no small part due to the people around me who (most of them) are willing to give me advice and boost my ego when I need it. Are your friends doing this? If not, you may need some better friends - such as the people here :) The important bit is that you allow yourself to believe them. I've often had the atitude that once I've accomplished something, it mustn't be very worthy, since I was able to do it. This is an extremely destructive attitude and I don't know if it's one you also have, but things like that need to go. I am not a fatalist and I don't believe in cosmic overlord-type entities and so I believe that the only thing in this universe that owes you a pleasant existance is you. Just because you've completed an engineering degree doesn't make you duty bound to be an engineer. If teaching makes you happy, teach! The time spent at college getting your teaching degree may help you meet more friends, too :) If you really do want to pursure engineering, you may want to consider other countries - are there any others where the job market doesn't suck so badly? I'm an IT sysadmin/programmer type, so my job prospects suck pretty much everywhere (which is kind of galling as it was great when I started), but that's not to say it'll suck forever. You may find the same with your chosen field.

Anyway, I hope you can take something out of that.

And try doing a naked happy dance once in a while.
Just on your own, in your room or something, when everyone's out...... lock the doors and just strip off everything, jump around singing along to Britney or Christina or Bruce Springsteen, whatever music you secretly like but tell your friends you hate. Sing as LOUD as you can - very important that.

It's a simple therapy but one I think everyone can gain a lot from.

CasperTG

I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears. I do NOT like Britney Spears............................................ . much.

To Everyone:
I know that to all of you it must seem like CL is whining. And in a way he is. However, just so that you don't feel like all of this is for nothing, let me tell you something about CL. I have known him now for several years personally. This is actually how he works out his problems. He bounces his pessimism off folks to see if they can come up with an irrefutable answer to his problems. When you can, he will try to sink back into hoplessness and that is when you smack him, sometimes quite literally. He has his ups and downs, he just frequently doesn't shout the ups from the rooftops so some folks always think he's down. He is actually a very wonderful person.


TO CL:
I am glad that things are finally starting to go better for you. I know you will let us all know when you will start school again for your Teacher's Certification. I also expect to hear when you get your first substitute job. Remember that there are people that love you and care for you and are praying and rooting for you. Keep the faith and hope alive my friend. Call me or IM if you need anything. Of course you always knew you could do that.

SK

Oh I agree, and wholeheartedly, Sharni, he does need some actual professional help. And he has tried seeking it, on his own and at my and others urgings. Just this past fall he tried, but for some reason, I don't know I am not there with him, the therapists don't listen to him or think he's full of malarky. So usually he comes and talks to me, for whatever help my psych degree will afford him.

Not trying to get pity for him, but just trying to let you know that he does know that he needs help.

Hey CL - I don't really have much to say on this subject. But, I think I have a few words of help for you. Dude, no psych ward or doctor or shrink is going to help you. They can talk and talk and talk and talk and listen and listen and listen, but until you (YOU) decide to change what you are telling yoursefl in your head then nothing is going to change. You gotta get off your ass and make things happen. Good fortune will not come to you, this is not a "good fortune around every corner" type of world - you have to go AFTER IT. Be ambitious - hell watch Dr. Phil - just don't keep telling yourself how horrible you are, because obviously you aren't. You are a good guy who is stuck in a rut - turn your lemons into lemonade!

GET THE FUCK UP AND DO THE DAMN HAPPY DANCE THAT CASPER MENTIONED!!!

SMILE EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE!!!!

THINK ABOUT THE POSITIVE THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!! And don't say you don't have positives - you obviously have many friends here at pixy's that are willing to read about your moans and groans and pissy problems. And better yet - these people understand, try to relate, and try to help. So there you go - several positive things all at once!!

PM if you ever need someone to rant to.

While not always true (and, God help me, I should know), most people who threaten suicide never even attempt it, never mind succeed. If someone is so depressed that suicide seems the best, no, ONLY, way out for them, they will do it...... and usually the first thing anyone knows about it is when they're called on to identify the body.

Yes, professional help will probably aid CL in overcoming whatever feelings he has that cause him to feel the way he does, and I pray he does exactly that...... I did, and I'm the (fairly) happy guy I am today. What generally DOESN'T help is people saying "pull yourself together" or similar, nor does getting "pissed off" or "angry" with the person...... if they're THAT low, it means nothing anyway, and certainly won't help in ANY constructive way.

I don't want it to seem like I'm denigrating ANYone's opinion here; because I'm not. Nor am I saying, especially in light of CL's latter post, that he is neccesarily Clinically depressed...... BUT ~ I see so much lack of understanding of depression, even in people who IMHO should know better, (CA's mother springs to mind here) I couldn't help try to explain it to you all.

Being ½ canned probably ISN'T helping here, but I hope you've taken a little bit from this. I'll f*ck off now, and stop bothering you!!

DM

I do not need depression explained to me :) I suffer from it too...though not as bad as some...



Well until the man in question adds his say...we dont know do we..

But i still stand by both my posts....talk suicide to me and you will get that reaction....i believe it to be the cowards way out of dealing with life!

A word to all who contemplate suicide

My current best friend suffers severe depression and i listen (i do mean listen) to her...but she knows if she ever mentions suicide that she will get a serve from me..

Another person close to me shot himself because apparently life was just too much too take....what about the ppl he left behind struggling to understand why he chose to leave us rather than let us help him

I tell ya if i could again say anything else to him...i'd smack him upside the fucken head for the pain he caused all who loved him...explain to him that i love him but i hate him for taking the easy way out..that while his suffering may have ended...he set in motion a lot of other lives that have now to deal with the pain that his suicide caused!

So if anyone here is contemplating suicide...talk to a professional
.....get help for fucks sake...think of the ones left behind who have to try to deal with your death

But be warned if ya are depressed and talk to me...i'll listen and have a shoulder for you (and always will)....but you mention suicide you'll also have to deal with my reaction to you wanting to waste your life!

Think of the kids and adults that through no choice of their own are battling to stay alive...wether it be cancer...disease or accident etc

And you who...just chooses to throw the gift of life away