|
But wait theres more :D
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Little Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, ma'am!" he says. "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher. "Well, ma'am, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. When the neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, my cat went 'ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!' and before he could say 'fuck' the dog ate him!" |
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, David?" "Well, ma'am, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "Well, ma'am, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Heck, from what I just saw, my school days are over." |
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, Mommy?" "To make myself beautiful," she answered. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny started. "Giving up so soon?" |
Little Johnny's school got a new teacher. This new teacher was an atheist and proud of it. In fact, he was always talking about it, and since the kids were fairly young, he intimidated them.
One day he boldly announced, "My mother was an atheist, my father was an atheist and I'm an atheist. How many in this room atheists?" The kids were all afraid of the new teacher, so they all raised their hands -- all except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked him, "Well, what are you then?" Little Johnny said, "I'm a Christian. My mother is a Christian, my father is a Christian and I'm a Christian too." The teacher then sarcastically snarled, "If your mother was a moron and your father was a moron, what would that make you?" Little Johnny thought for a moment and meekly replied, "I guess that would make me an atheist." |
Little Johnny was playing in the living room with his electric train set that he got for Christmas while his mother was in the kitchen doing the dishes.
His mother heard the train stop and heard him say, "All of you assholes that want to disembark, get off the damn train. Any of you bastards wanting to board, get on the damn train cause we are fixin' to take off." His mother immediately dropped what she was doing, ran into the living room, yanked Little Johnny up and said, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now go up to your room and don't come out for at least two hours." Little Johnny went to his room and returned in two hours. He started playing with his train set again. His mother heard the train stop and Little Johnny said, "I would like to thank those of you traveling with us today and don't forget your personal items as you leave the train. Those of you boarding the train, please store any of your carry- ons in the overhead bins or store them under your seat and we will be leaving shortly." His mother was just as proud as she could be. Then Little Johnny says, "And for those of you that are pissed off about the two hour delay, see the bitch in the kitchen." |
Little Johnny's sitting at the roadside playing. His mom looks out of the window to see him eating a couple of M&Ms, licking the family cat and then standing up, taking a couple of steps to the left and sitting down again.
Shocked, she goes out to see what he is up to. By the time she gets to him, he's done the same set of actions another four times. "Johnny", she cries, "What are you up to?" "I'm pretending to be a Hell's Angel," Little Johnny replied. "You know, popping pills, licking pussy and moving on." |
Teacher asked her class "If there were three crows on the fence and I shot one
How many would be left?" Little Johnny put his hand up and said "None." The teacher said that he was wrong, the answer was two. Johnny said that if he shot at a crow, they all flew away. The teacher said that he was wrong, but she liked the way he was thinking. Little Johnny said to the teacher, "Three ladies eating ice-creams. One taking big bites, one taking small bites and one licking the ice-cream in long strokes. Which lady was married?" The teacher said, probably the one licking in long strokes. Johnny said, "No, it's the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you're thinking." |
| All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:52 PM. |
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.10
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.