Damn, I've seen this in two other threads. Must be some common underlying tenet.Hmmmmmm

I think I agree with you, souls_cry! I guess it's been a while since I have believed in the neverending love and faithfulness. In my last "serious" relationship that lasted more than 10 years, I cheated myself after a year. It was something I couldn't help. I just met a guy frim school, there had always been a sexual tension between us and someday we just met again and "had to" have sex. The next day, me and my boyfriend flew to Cuba on vacation and I didn't even feel guilty. I have had sex with someone else for the first time, but it didn't effect my relationship in any way. Many years later, I tried to break up with him and end the long relationship, things weren't going great anymore. So almost 9 years after cheating at him for the first time, I did it again, this time with other intentions. I slept with a colleague, just to make it easier to end the relationship.

Now, after being single for almost 4 years, I jsut had an affair with a married man. You may say, " that new pussy will never really take care of you when you're siclk" or something like that. BUT you know what? I would LOVE to make him tea when he's sick or cook dinner for him. But I can't. Because he has a wife at home who he doesn't talk to anymore and who never asks how his day has been. So where is the moral here? Is it staying together, no matter what, just for the sake of staying together and of the fear of being alone? Or has "moral" something to do with being honest to each other and admitting when love is over one day and there is nothing left to talk about?

What's wrong with moving on? Any chance there might be more than one love in your life?

Great to have your point of view Sugar, and I know exactly where you are coming from.

Actually I am bumping this, I was reading Sugar's post again and I just think it is perfectly to the point of the matter, for me anyway.

I agree with Sugar, as well. It all depends on your comfort level. Many people have a misconception about affairs...in my humble opinion, it's not always about the sex. Often something else is missing--a vital part of something--whether it's friendship, companionship, caring...or, as Sugar puts it, someone asking you how your day has been. Certainly, sexual adventure in and of itself is not a bad reason, either...but a person venturing into something like this should examine his or her own reasons and what he or she expects out of this. Are you looking for a one-time, rip-your-clothes-off love fest? Or are you looking for someone who can give you that, as well as a listening ear when you've had a rough day and a pat on the back when you've done something well?

Over the years, I've realized that "serial monogamy" is not for everyone...that there are certain people out there who are capable of loving more than one person at a time...that there are people out there who, no matter how moral they are and how much they love their significant other, simply *cannot* remain faithful. I don't judge those people, nor do I consider it a "character fault." That's just who they are, and once they accepted that, it seemed like their comfort level rose, because they could be content with themselves and who they were.

And now I'm going to get off my liberal soapbox. :)

To me motivation makes the difference.......Sugar says the married man she had the affair with is in a relationship where the love appears to be gone. It is simple to fall into an affair when you have nothing to lose. His relationship was over before he had sex with someone else.

I read once somewhere that we are drawn to people not really for who they are, but how they make us feel about ourselves when we are with them........ to me this is why people cheat.

Exactly, Lilith, motivation is what counts. I agree. And even if it was only for a relatively short time (this affair), I felt totally loved, understood and cared for. At the same time, Karaoke girl, I think you're right too. Some people have love for many people, sometimes even at the same time. This doesn't make us bad people, but sometimes it is difficult for others to understand. It is for me, too, when I am the one who has to share a loved one...

Confusing? Never mind....

Not confusing, Sugar. I understand what you (and Lilith) are saying, and I think I tried to touch on that myself. An affair isn't necessarily done just for the sex, but often because we get something else out of it--that feeling of being loved, understood and cared for, friendship, or, at the very least, a lesson learned. As you say, the people involved in such a situation aren't bad people...just people who have made alternative choices. And...loving more than one person at a time is a whole other subject...and often very difficult.

Do you think someone can have an affair (continuous) and the sole motivation be sex?

and the love thing.......I am not touching that one either..........LOL

No, unless the sex is pretty damn good, definitely not. Even then, over time, I don't think you can have (and I laugh as I type this) continuous sex with someone without feelings of some sort (friendship or whatever) developing.

And I'd run, Lilith, as fast as you can from the "l" word. :)