Not you ((((((((((WI)))))))))))))))) The allergy was tragic.

My friend's family had show dogs (cocker spaniels & springer spaniels) & she then fell in love with a man who had allergies.

"I have fish now," she said weakly. :o


Bonjour, Jacques! Comment ca va?

You ARE at the threshold of a couple of life’s most meaningful and permanent crossroads. :) You’re first issue of how to tell/ask her parents is your least issue.
First off, most parents don’t sleep as high in the tree as you seem to think and I doubt they would be shocked to think of a grown woman, living an adult life on her own, was not a virgin. Children are never too far from a parents mind and either is reality. Sorry to disappoint your girlfriend if she thinks she is going to be the first pregnant bride.
Perhaps by asking her father ‘for her hand’ may give you the private avenue for him to give the news to her mother if you truly think they will have to ‘work’ through the idea.





Aqua and others have soundly advised you to recognize and accept responsibility of these major life event, but not to merge the two. Your situations has brought them to the forefront together, but they ARE separate commitments. You ARE going to love your baby and suffer the joy and hurt of any parent. If you decide this is the woman you want to raise your child with, make her understand that when you ask her to marry you. Let her know you love HER, and that you want to love your baby WITH HER.




This is the detail that gives me the most reason for pause.:rolleyes: The only question the two of you have to REALLY search out is the considerations here. You will find it very hard to reach the truths within your selves and NOBODY can find them for either of you. The only thing more important than a fathers love is a mother’s.








PS~

I wrote you a proposal in BIG letters, on the wall, for all the world to see.:) It’s at the bottom of an abandoned shaft mine on the San Andreas fault line. Please write your answer on the opposite wall as soon as possible. (Take your time when you’re there and think it over) :D

You refer to trust being broken. I don't understand.

If your child is over the age of consent, she has a perfect right to have a sex life. Surely, the role of parents isn't to stop young adults having sex, but to make sure they do so responsibly.

I lost my virginity in my mother's house aged 17 (the age of consent in the UK is 16). She knew what I was up to and who I was doing it with and actually made the appointment for me to go to the doctors and get contraception. Subsequently, I had absolutely no excuse to rebel and sleep around or have sex without contraception. I have NEVER had sex without using some form of contraception until now that I'm married and trying for a baby.

How does a grown woman, with a right to vote, marry and live away from home break a parent's trust by having sex in a committed relationship? Surely talking openly and honestly about sex and contraception would be a more productive use of a parent's energies?

I too have a different prospective of the “trust” in an adult child. I felt my job as a parent was to raise a ‘responsible adult’. “The talks” at puberty were always centered on being in control and the accountable of adulthood for BOTH my son and daughter.

I actually would be more concerned of there being life issues for a sexually mature person that did not have partners after a decade of finding their way through human existence.

Sorry it took so long for me to get back here. I really appreciate the time all of you have taken to lend an ear and advice. To clear things up, I plan to marry her for 2 reasons: #1 I love her beyond what words can describe, #2 I feel a child needs both a mother and a father in the picture and I feel the best way to do that is to be married. #1 is more than enough reason for me to marry her #2 is just icing on the cake (albeit unplanned icing).

Once again thanks for everything.

I'm still concerned about her not wanting a child. Some women (my wife) spend years saying they don't want children then get pregnant and it turns out they (she) truly do/did want children. Others though, don't end as happily.

This is something that you two really need to talk about. If she's just keeping it because she can't stand the idea of someone else raising her child, and not because she wants to nurture and raise a child of her own, then you two really need to talk.

I know what you're saying Jude, but if she's found herself pregnant and has already made the decision that she wants to keep the child, even if it, as you say, because she can't stand the thought of someone else raising her child, sounds like she's already changed her mind.

I have a friend who, despite having been married to her husband for ten years, got pregnant accidentally and had a termination, as she was convinced, even while pregnant, that she did not want the child. I'm sure that if qwerty's fiancee still felt that she didn't want the child, she would not keep it.

I know a hell of a lot more women who regret giving a child up, than ones who regret keeping them, and with a father who is as supportive and responsible as qwerty, I feel, that this child has a good a start in life as any.