This double standard doesn't always apply even in the "real world". If I was found by my family to have been sleeping with several girls, I most certainly would not get a pat on the back. It is this repression that I believe may lead to the "ok to fuck but not to take home to mother" phenomenon - a girl that advertises her virginity and/or does not carry herself in a manner suggesting any trace of sexuality is good for placating one's parents, should they be repressive in this way. This of course raises the question of why someone would be man enough to be having sex but not to go up against his parents, but that's a whole other issue.

Also, let it not be missed that many men with highly active sex lives are known by far less complimentary names than "stud" - for example, "sleaze", "desperado", "man-whore". That is not to say that the double standard is not alive and well, of course. There are plenty of examples of that.

Now Kaelynn, the simple (and somewhat flippant) answer to your question of why these girls think they are better than you is that's the way their value systems work. They believe that everyone should be virgins until some specific point (eg Marriage, relationship lasting x months, etc) and that part of a person's value, more or less, is derived from their adherence to that. Another possibility is that their egos dictate that they must make themselves feel superior in some way and they seize on this "opportunity". Either way, the most important thing is that you feel good about who you are and from what I know about you, you do :)

Keep enjoying yourself :)


:x: :hug: :sex:

Alas, this is a problem where there may be no really good solution...she's convinced that your business is hers, & it's her job to save you...& you love her too much to tell her to butt out...I have had such friends, & I have no easy answers, save to suggest that next time she insists on digging into your life & saving you from what she perceives as your immorality, you gently deflect her by changing the subject..."hey look, it's Halley's Comet!" ;)

Then sit her down and tell her that she hurt you. You are the same person that she knew before you answered her honestly and your friendship shouldn't change. If she feels that she has to save you from yourself - she obviously cares about you to try to help you even though you don't really need the help. Let her know that you appreciate her too...it is rare to have a friend like you described - one who wants to save you from yourself.. :D

That would almost make you believe maybe she has spent a LOT of time thinking about things she doesn’t want to think about. :) ……………………… maybe. ;)







:spin:

Kaelynn

What is more important to you, your sanity and self esteem or falling into line

with this person's expectations of you?

Your choice, tough as it may seem.

Hi Kaelynn,

We've got some pretty smart people here at Pixie's, and I think you've come to the right place and received some really good advice...in as much as can be deciphered from the information you provided. We aren't there...in your shoes...when this dilemma is going on for you, but we try to walk in your shoes and provide advice as to what we might do in the same circumstance. This tidbit I offer is just that...my walk in your shoes and what I would do if it were happening to me!

This seems to be much more a problem for your g/f to cope with, than it is for her to want to "help" you. What I mean is...she is using her ideals and morals and taking it as a personal wrong in her life, something she would never do and therefore it must be wrong...instead of remembering we are all individuals and are responsible for our own actions. It sounds to me (from the info you supplied) like she is a very religious and/or moral person. That she wants to change you is her way of showing her love for you. The thing that I dislike about people like this is that they cannot/will not allow themselves to think that what they believe isn't necessarily true...but their own interpretation of the truth as it applies to them. If they've interpreted "it" as the way to live for them...then it surely must be the way everyone should interpret/understand "it"...whatever "it" may be. And if we don't...we are wrong and need to be steered in the right direction.

In a way it's sorta sad for her, because she has pidgeon-holed herself into a life that will never allow her to think off the cuff...think for herself...and be spontaneous and open-minded. She'll always have to resort to "the book" (whichever book she gets her ideas from...it just may be the book of upbringing) and be herded into a life that was written by someone else in order to "keep us all in line".

My mother always taught me..."Don't inflict your likes and dislikes on others. Instead, respect and tolerate the differences...fore, you may learn something in the long run". Mom was a REALLY smart woman!

As to how I would handle this situation if it were me? I'd thank your friend for caring enough to worry about me and my well being. I'd tell her that her fears are unfounded however, and that her efforts might be better served if she opened herself to the idea that life is for living...we are sexual beings and that fact cannot be denied in any book ever written. Of course, if your way of life was leading you to become a serial killer or something of that nature, you might appreciate her steering you in another direction. But since there has been no harm-no foul...it shouldn't concern her to the point of obsession. There are far worse things going on in this world that she could expend her energy on.

When she wants to talk about your sex life...just tell her that at this point it's just rhetoric because she has no basis of comparison. Her one-sidedness makes it argumentative and hurtful instead of helpful. I'd word that a little more delicately though...lol! If she is religious and is using that as her back-up...ask her to "judge not, lest she be judged"...or if she is "without sin", go on and cast her stones! Who amoung us is truly "without sin"? Tell her you've been hurt by her judgements and would really appreciate it if she could accept what already is (you being sexual) and that cannot be changed. Ask her, if she can't live with that knowledge, wouldn't it be better to not talk about it anymore? What's done is done and there is no way to get your virginity back...not that you'd want it back...but it'd be preposterous to act like losing it never happened! Hug her! Hug her long and hard...and tell her you understand her concerns but they are just that...her concerns...and you are there for her, to help her work her way through them, should she need you! Ask her if she thought it would help her if you started "recruiting" her to your side. Ask her if she'd be hurt or offended if you became obsessed with helping her lose her virginity. The pendulum swings both ways, ya know! Then just hug her again and tell her that, even though you know she has your best interests at heart...they are YOUR interests...and you'll be there for her if/when they become hers as well!

My 2 pennies!

You really need to get out more often Lixy. :grin:








;)

I really do go on and on...don't I?

OK...condensed version...

Don't judge me till you've experienced what it is you are judging!

How's that PF? *lifts skirt to get a better review of point of view* :halo:

I like to think of you as your mom’s daughter better than OldFart’s. :)

Carry on. :D








lmao ;)

Actually I just like to think of you. :lust:



*kneels to get better point of view* :drool:

I would hate to think of Lixy as my daughter.

You can't think these wonderful thoughts about your daughter.

Lixy is one of my rays of sunshine.

Whew! I'm glad I read this entire reply and not just the first line...I was getting all teary eyed when I started reading.

((((((((((Oldfart))))))))))) You make me smile too!

TY too

I call them immature men.

What can I say that Lixy and many other fine pixians haven't already said.
She does need to know that her comments do hurt as mental scars take a lot more time to heal if they ever do. If she is a true friend, she would accept you as you are and not try to change you and if she asks for more sexual details, then I would let her know that it is better that you keep them to yourself as not to offend or upset her. If you two are close, I am sure you can work it out with her. I hope for the best for you and remember, to love and care for yourself first as no one will love you as much as you do.