WEll I'm going to play devils advocate here and be the troubled roll,

now first off I understand everything you did and you have every right to be pissed at this guy, but I would also like to make a few points in his defence, since this really seems to be unpopular to side with this guy

first of all, your relationship with him spans 10 YEARS , this is not a minor friendship he has obviously been a big part of your life, and yes he cares about you and fantasized about you, friends often have that happen when your so close to each other, but personally if I had to take a guess I'd have to say he had his ego bruised with your repeated rejections (not saying it was bad to reject him) that he defended himself by attacking you personally, again not the right thing but not everyone responds in the most logical manor when hurt.

Second of all, I must say that although that single insult may have hurt it seems a little extream to throw away a 10 year friendship over it, I personally, and I know this is gonna be a really unpopular opinion think it was rather cruel of you to cut him outta your life over it without a word to him, you never discussed how hurt you were, you simply banned him from your life... a ten year friend who stuck up for you and took beatings for you and with one single misspoken line outta anger you cut him outta your life without so much as a word to him,

I don't find it strange at all that he is attempting to gain some form of closure , desperatly trying to get you to talk to him, I mean you never even gave him so much as a chance to appologize, I'm sure sometime in your life you have done something you regretted in the heat of the moment.

so while I agree with everyone that what happened was certainly in bad taste, I also agree that you yourself have handled it badly, I mean a ten year relationship shut down over a single line without so much a goodbye or giving him a chance to redeem himself, I mean hasn't 10 years earned the guy a second chance??

I'm sorry if I'm the only one who sees the need to point out that things could have been handled better instead of offering pure support, but I don't think problems are always solved by being a Yes Man.

Well, I'm all for playing the Devil's advocate when it's called for, but I think this bozo blew all his future chances when he called her fat & dorky cuz she wouldn't let him tear off a piece...I don't take rejection well, either, but geez loueez...

well yes I'll give you that I certainly agree that it was uncalled for, but it seems like such a small thing in the grand scheme of things to blow 10 years off, is friendship really so easily shattered nowadays? I don't know maybe I just have higher expectations in true friends ability to have friendship survive a few fights involving crossed words, let alone just a single incident.

While I would say that certainly his words hurt and hit below the belt, and the fact that he was so close to you I"m sure made it hurt just that much more, but if thats the case, I find it more bizzare that it sets down the ideal that as you get closer to someone they have to be more and more careful lest they act out of anger, and the closer they are to you the higher the chance of a bad decision shattering the relationship, I've always been under the impression that as a friendship grows it should become stronger, not more fragile

EDIT: I find it important that I point out the error I made, after rereading the previous post, I reaized I had originally overlooked the fact taht you eventually DID send him a message, which I suppose gives at least an alotment of closure, although the way you went about it I still find questionable.

Ok, go easy on him ladies...I don't think he knows what he's doing...



[ducking outa this thread before the slamfest begins....]

it's ok lol I expected to get the pants flamed offa me for having an opposing opinion, but I still believe that had someone come here looking for how to get over feelings for a girl he cared about that alot of people would suggest trying to get closure for the whole event, something that was denied to this guy.

No, it is NOT just one comment that made me cut him from my life. It was that comment that was the last straw, but he'd known that he was on thin ice from the get-go when he started suggesting sleeping with me. I have been in a very committed relationship for the last three years, and was in a monogamous relationship before that, as well, and this particular person refused to respect those relationships. He would phone me at my home and my boyfriends homes (whose numbers he got from other 'high school friends' of mine), and he would attempt to engage in phone sex, sending me dirty emails, etc.

Now, I admit, when he first told me, I was flattered, but I told him RIGHT THEN AND THERE that it would never happen, because I felt close to him as a friend, and because I loved someone else, etc. And then he continued to pursue the issue for FOUR YEARS. So yes, I've KNOWN him for 10 years, but the last 4 have not so much been a friendship, but me saying no to his disrespectful desires. He often stated that he didn't even want a relationship, just a fuck, and then reiterated how he needed to keep it quiet. And that comment about me being the smart fat girl that no one wanted was just IT.

He did email me a few times after that, and I did respond, but his emails were getting worse and worse as he tried to explain himself, and merely dug himself into a deeper hole. I told him then, I would have nothing more to do with him, as it was now more obvious than ever what his level of respect was. That was like, 6 or 8 months ago.

Now, out of the blue, he has been resurfacing. The first few messages were innocent enough, "are u mad at me", but it's that he found me on websites that I never told him I was on that is disturbing to me. It's made me take down all of my pictures everywhere, because I don't even want to encourage either a fantasy, or saving them for retributional uses.

Believe me, I don't give the silent treatment without explaining WHY. I told him that I was in a relationship with the man I plan to marry (And we still do plan to marry), and he couldn't just say "okay, I respect that.. " but no. He spent 4 years asking, begging for sex, for me to ruin my relationships for JUST sex, while at the same time, hiding this from his girlfriends, etc.

Like I said, the last 4 years haven't been much of a friendship. If he could have ACCEPTED my rejection and my relationship, and just left me the fuck alone in that regard, sure, we could have been friends. But he didn't.

So, Devil's Advocate, did this explain things a little more?

I generally try to not post EVERYTHING, and get helpful answers on that before I go and post every detail, when it seems needed. I don't LIKE posting every single detail of this story, it makes me feel upset and makes me think worse on the guy.

Actually yes it answered and clarified quite a bit, I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or not in tone with that statement but with that information things do make alot more sense now, I can understand your wanting to hold back on all the details like you said but it's obviously hard for others to give clear advice while knowing only the details you put forth

Anyway, Cheerio