In one of my FIRST 90day programs for stopping alcohol addiction,
there was a couple(with children)that visited,each other,on week-
ends.They were strictly monogamous & had been married,to each other.They got divorced but still lived together because of money
reasons!That was(approx)30 yrs ago & I still remember the impact,that it had on me!Life is strange.You go with whatever is financially best for you.Many times,the current laws,hurt more then help. Irish

You know Irish...you are correct about $$ being a factor at times. Mr. Lil and I joke all the time that if we would just get divorced my schooling would be free.

Maybe in your state Lilith, but definitely not here. When I first seperated from my ex, I was hoping to get some help going back to school, so I could support my son and my then unborn baby independantly. The resources stank to say the least. Due to child support that I receive which is just a measly $160.00 per week btw...I am ineligable for any state funded programs. I was eligable for financial aid and loans, but by my calculations, I would have been completely in the hole and unable to sustain child care expenses etc... while I was in school. The loans wouldn't have needed to be repaid until I graduated but then more than half of my expected salary would have gone to loan payments, not leaving nearly enough for a car payment and general living expenses. I know that sacrifices have to be made to reach certain goals, but as a single income family it would have been nearly impossible for me. There are job help/ training programs in my state to help people get off welfare, but my income also made me ineligable for those! I wasn't looking for a handout mind you, but I wanted to explore my options. After working pretty much non stop from the age of 15, I figured that I wasn't a slacker and deserved some help. But that isn't the way things work here.

We just celebrated our 8th anniversary, but have been together for 15 years....I was 16....no way we could get married that young and I wouldn't move in wiht him when he got his own place too.....I wanted to be married to him. We are the best of friends so I believe that helps us thru the hard and trying times. Oh yeah, we have plenty...but the friendship helps us work things out. We have no children, which is my body's fault, and that is heartaching to me that I can't give him a child that he deserves, but he is great about all of it. So yes, marriage is hard but you have to want to work at it and I think so many people just fight and say "oh well, it's not worth it".

Oh yea I forgot to mention that I've been married 28yrs.

I would be eligible for a Pell grant.But morally/ethically I can't do it.

Allright, I guess I will weigh in with the change in my pocket.

Personally, I understand divorce and why some people get divorced, BUT ... I also think many people enter marriage today, knowing that is always an option and children who come from divorce are at much higher risk of getting divorced themselves.

But, marriage is not the white gown and the big party and the honeymoon. That's a week. Marriage is the ups and downs and knowing the difference between a "down" and an "out" are very important.

Marriages don't just go through bad weeks or months, sometimes they go through bad years. Ask a senior who has been married 50+ years and see if they ever had any tough times in their marriage. If they don't say yes, either there is little passion or they are damn lucky.

Staying together for the kids is also not the best move, BUT, it should make the decision process all the more important.When you decide to divorce, you are agreeing to breaking up a family and you'd better be damn sure it's EXACTLY the right thing to do.

That's my opinion, not saying it's right.

That's why,in MOST instances,I can't see the reason for signing,
those pre-marriage agrements.I can't think of their name offhand.If you doubt your relationship,that much,as far as I'm
concerned,you shouldn't be getting married!It's almost like
admitting that the marriage is going to fail,before it is given a
chance! Irish
P.S.I'm sure that many disagree with me,but thats my $.02.

You can't argue with the stats and a similar thing is being seen in the UK.

Generally people are getting married later and yet their marriages still aren't lasting. This seems somewaht odd to me, though in the UK the State does provide a very good safety net.

I think that something like 90% of divorces are put to our courts by the female partner.