Yes, many of our most heartfelt efforts can be thwarted by forces beyond our control. My heart goes out to you in this difficult time.

If the feeling of discouragement persists, and if the pain of your loss begins to color everything that you try to do, then maybe the depression has taken on a life of its own. Then, I would strongly urge you to seek therapy and possible medication. I'm sure there's a student health center right on campus that could either screen you for depression or could refer you to a clinic for a meeting with a counselor.

For me, depression is just one of the ways that my body can respond to high levels of stress or the grief following a loss. I have had several times in my adult life when counseling and medication have brought me back to myself and freed me to experience life on its own terms rather than through the fog of hoplelessness.

Best of luck, and remember that you have many friends here.

Every single move you make in your life is for some purpose...for a reason. I have made some mistakes, bad ones, that could have ruined everything I have worked so hard at, but now that I have forgiven myself, I know that there was a reason. Maybe to make me stronger, etc.

Everyone has shitty days, but it is entirely up to you and your heart to make things better.

Best wishes.