To be completely honest, the main reason we're getting married is so that her grandmother can see her get married. Plus she wants everything to be legit and on paper. I personally couldn't give a shit but she defenitely wants to get married before any of her other realtives pass away. She lost her grandfather when she was young and just recently lost her father and she's scared time is running out.

Oops! I haven't been over to this forum in a while and I'm glad I got here today silentsoul!

Answer me this. Have you discussed this marriage for the sake of the ceremony with her grandmother and other family members? Do they know what's going on in your s/o's and your head? Have you checked to see if you are indeed "legit" even without the proverbial ceremony? Ya know.....you could do your own ceremony if you are recognized as already legally married as a common law couple......it's not lesser because it's called common law. Common law IS an actual marriage!

I ask this because....hubby and I lived together for 12+ years before we decide to have a ceremony....and we lived as husband and wife.....in taxes and everything. I kid about the reason for our ceremony.....but it's not all just a joke.....we truly did want to have family and friends gather to have the shindig of all shindigs....and we thought...what better present for them than an actual wedding? He and I can't have children....we already owned a home and we aren't religious folk and so we had no reason to have a wedding. We had it all, in essence.....but the family appreciated the wedding part (bugged us for years and years to do it).....and so we said....what the hell! To him and I though....we were married anyway.

You've got to do some serious soul searching.....and also some law investigation in your state (Va.). You're probably already married in the eyes of the law........and if it's the eyes of God and family you and she wants....this is where the soul searching comes in!

PM me anytime if you need a shoulder or just wanna get it off your chest.....k?