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- - Nice Guys (http://www.pixies-place.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15416)

Well who said we were whining and acting like introverts or with no balls. Most nice guys tend to be shy. And when they do go after something, they will go full force.

But then you get the nice guy that is socialable, and is not an introvert. But he hears someone say something about his appearance, and well there goes his self-esteem.

Now anyone who knows me here, knows that I am not an introvert. But you get comments like the ones here, makes you wonder. Because what I get from these comments is something negative. That unless you are forceful you won't get what you desire. And that you have to be forceful and a nice guy to be atrracted by some people. And to me, that is not what I see and hear.

There are a select few nice guys out there that can be what you expect. But on average not all nice guys are. Most are rather quiet and don't get involved, not because they are a "Victim" but because they are tired of getting hurt by the ones they want and desire. They get tired of the "I just want to be friends," or "Your like a brother to me." Well you know if I wanted that kind of a relationship, that is what I would look for and get.

So next time you are at a party and see someone standing or sitting in a corner ponder this. That might be the nice guy your thinking about or looking for. And give him the chance that he deserves, without thinking that he is a victim or doesn't have the balls to come talk to you.

And think about this too.... Sometimes the nice guy is put off by the beautiful people of society. Kinda makes us nervous, why you might ask, because they tend to think the same way about all nice guys, or they lump people into groups based on their preceptions.

I agree with you on your points Prophet. And I wasn't saying that there was whining going on... just a mututal experience sharing... which isn't wrong because sometimes a person can lean from that.

Perhaps I should have been more clear on what I was sharing. A little over 5 years ago, I was dating a nice guy. He was as you described....shy, introverted, and yes a victim. He allowed other's perceptions and his "history" to cloud our relationship in the beginning and was willing to give up rather than go after what he wanted.

I thank God that I was not, nor am I, an introvert or shy. Because I knew what I wanted (him), I went after him and I got him. We have been happily married now for 5 years.

I often wonder....... if I had been a "nice" girl with all of the conotations that go with the description (shy, introverted - expecting rejection without trying) .... if we would be together today? Probably not.

So, when I said - Quit being a victim, that is what I was meaning.... don't allow stereotypical perceptions of how a "nice" guy is perceived to stand in your way of happiness.

My definition of "getting some balls" is this - motivate yourself do achieve success, become determined to be able to work toward what you want! If you see a woman standing there, make a point of saying hi, or making some sort of a connection. If you are denied, then you haven't lost anything for trying! But you do have to try........

Thank you for clarifying that Cheyanne. It was a bit confusing. And congrats on your taking the effort to pull him out and keep him as long as you have.

Dm is a really nice guy~~~~~~~~
he accepts his past and mine too
he treats me and mine with the same respect he shows everyone
he puts up with things that hew might not totally agree with (within reason!)
he is strong and kind and not afraid to show his feelings
he is there for me
he is there for the kids
he is there for his friends

For me all these qualities add up to a "nice" guy~~~~~~~~~~no angel~~~~~~~~but neither am I!:love:

Very well put Celtic. And you are a lucky woman to have him.

Obviously different words mean different things to different people. I'm just writing in defense of those who would consider themselves to be introverted. I'm one of those. Please don't try to put a square peg in a round hole, just as you don't expect left-handed people to become righties. It's not a flaw; it just is different from you extroverts who become energized by groups of people (e.g., parties) rather than drained, who prefer people-oriented activities to more solo or one-on-one activities. It doesn't have to mean we are weak or have inferiority complexes or lack balls to speak up. We just might put more thought into thinking first and then speaking rather than the other way around. We may tend to feel our way around a group or size up a group or individuals first before making a move. I know tons of people who are "nice" and are extroverts and tons who are "nice" who are introverts. And both groups have their fair share of jerks. Me personally?...I'll go for the introvert 9 times out of 10 over the extrovert because I know that to spend my time w/someone who feels the need to be around people most of the time would eventually drive me nuts. I just know me. At any rate, please try to keep an open mind about us "introverts"; being different from you in that respect does not mean we are screwed up or, as I said before, flawed. We're just being ourselves, and if we lived in some Asian countries, we'd actually make up the majority rather than the other way around, as it is in the States. Thanks for letting me vent. :)

Nicely put Blue. I agree with you completely and udnerstand exactly where you are coming from. I would much rather sit in the corner sometimes and watch everyone, determine who is worth my time, then to just blindly walk about and eventually maek a fool of myself or worse.

I can only speak for myself here but Prophet, you are one of the reasons I stayed here at Pixies when I first joined and I wouldn't want you to change a single thing about yourself. I love you as you are and always will. I look forward to that day when we might get to meet in person :hot:

Who decides who is and is not a nice guy????

Nice guy is just a general term. As with most things, the definition varies based on the individual. I'm the nice guy in the corner watching others have fun. I will talk to people I know long before talking to someone I just met. I've always been that way. You put me in a situation where it's less than ten people and a few of them I've known for a while and I'll talk to everyone. In a situation that's a lot more than that, and I don't talk to anyone. I just kind of sit there and listen to the music, get something to drink (non alcoholic), and watch everyone else. What's funny, is on the net I'm a completely different person. I think it's because there's always a certain amount of anonymity.

But to me that is shy, not necesssarily nice. Of course I know you are nice too but some guys are quiet or shy in a crowd and that's a good thing cause they are really assholes once they open their mouths.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oldfart

The guy.

Amen. For women, they say..."pretty is as pretty does."

I wish there were an equivalent saying for men.

Lil, I've met a lot of assholes and very few of them were shy. Everyone has a tendency to be an asshole every once and awhile.

Maybe shy is the wrong term but there are def shy assholes too. Stand-offish?