Pixies Place Forums - Tech Support ~ Duh!!

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An AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

A Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old (5-1/4") diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Customer: "There are smoke and flames coming from my computer."

Tech Support: "Uh, hang up, unplug the computer from the wall, and call the local fire department."

Customer: "That's not the problem. I need to know how to do a backup. Fastest possible method."

Tech Support: "Hello, tech support, can I help you?"

Customer: (slowly) "Oohh." (pause) "I think I did a bad thing."

Tech Support: "Ok, so tell me what's up."

Customer: "Well, my computer was running great. Everything was working fine, I had no problems whatsoever."

Tech Support: "Ok..."

Customer: "So I decided to open it up and have a look inside. I saw all these wires dangling all over the place. There were grey flat ones, and small red, black, and yellow ones, and it seemed like they weren't connected to anything. So I decided to plug them all in."

Tech Support: "Um, you mean you plugged them all in? What did you plug them into?"

Customer: "Well, whatever I could get them to connect to. I saw pins sticking off of some of the boards that didn't have anything on them, so I plugged all the loose wires in to make it run better."

Tech Support: "And then you..."

Customer: "And so I plugged them all in, and I hit the power button, and there was this loud bang and a flash and a puff of smoke. Now it doesn't work at all."

Tech Support: (suppressing all emotion and turning deep crimson) "Can you hold for a minute, please?"

Kaboom! "Explosive" doesn't adequately describe the laughter. I related the story to some co-workers between gasps for breath. Several of the techs and I had quite the laugh fest while he was on hold. After about five minutes of eye-popping, sweat-beading laughter, I wiped away the tears, took a sip of water, and came back on the line. I knew it'd be futile to even attempt to troubleshoot it.

Tech Support: "Ok, well why don't we just have you wrap it up in the original packing material and send it back to us, we'll take care of the whole thing."
And so another computer newbie learned that the extra power supply cables and unused IDE ribbon cables don't have to be plugged in for the computer to work just fine.

Tech Support: "Ma'am? I want you to stop clicking on your computer, move your hands away from the computer, don't touch the keyboard. Just stop. Move your hands away from the keyboard."

Customer: "But..."

Tech Support: "No, please follow my instructions."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Now, look on the screen. Do you see the To: field on your email message?"

Customer: "No, oh wait a minute, there it is, now I see it!"

Tech Support: "Great, now when I let you start typing again, this is where you would put the e-mail address in."

Customer: "Oh, I'm supposed to put it there? Oops, where did it go? Oh NO! What's happening to my computer?!"

At this point I thought she was on acid.

Tech Support: "Ok, calm down, what is your computer doing?"

Customer: "It's got all these flying window things that are coming out of nowhere! They're going all over my screen, and, huh, ooooh, pretty colors."

Tech Support: "Uh, ma'am? That's your screen saver."

A customer called in with modem problems.

Tech Support: "Ok, we're going to check your modem settings. First thing we need to do is make sure all programs are closed."

Customer: "How do I know if everything is closed?"

Tech Support: "Make sure all windows are closed."

Customer: "But...I'm in the basement. I don't have any windows here."

Lucky me, I made it to the the mute button in time!

Customer: "Do you have WordPerfect for Gameboy?"

Tech Support: "No, but I'll call you when it comes in."

Sometimes it's better to go along with the customer and not ask questions

Fact: Boston Computer Museum sells chocolate bars shaped like floppy disks.

Fact: Three year old kids see daddy boot his computer using a floppy to play games.

Fact: Computers are warm inside...even some quite expensive computers.

I don't want to talk about it

Customer: "How fast will my COM ports go?"

Tech Support: "How hard can you throw your computer?"

Ohhhhh too funny!!!! TY Sharni!

I had a user that called " I can get anything I type to appear on the monitor" I said "do you have the monitor on" She said" yes" I went up to check it out. Got up there .She said "see nothing come to the screen when I type" I go into the control panel and find that she had changed the back ground color to white and her font color to white. I asked her if you normally can see white on white.

I also had a user that said she couldn't get her cd to play cds. Got there she said " see if I put a cd in here it doesn't play." As I watched her insert the cd in between the cdrom player and the blank. Opened it up and found 12 cds setting in the bottom of her case.