Continuing to finish last

[Nice Guy]

The old saying "Nice guys finish last" has far exceeded its humor on me a long time ago. I am now 0 for...well I've lost count at this point. I am honestly getting sick and tired of it all.

I the trustworthy guy, the guy that they can turn to, the shoulder to cry on when they yet again have a problem. And what does all of that get me, Nothing but a wet shoulder and ball of anger in the pit of my stomach the likes of which keep me from eating or sleeping well.

I'm just the male equivalent of a girlfriend. I'm there when they need to talk. I go with them to the movies. I take them out on the town when they want to go out. Why, because they feel safe with me. But I'm apparently not good enough to date.

Am I to be stuck for ever in the roll of the protector. Christ the group Five for Fighting was right with their song Superman. I bleed and I dream but to most people that isn't important. As long as I am there to save them my needs and wants matter not.

I'm tired of being superman, I'm tired of being the hero, I'm tired of crawling in to bed every night and not having somebody there next to me. I just want a life.

[Lilith]

((((((Nice Guy))))))

I am sorry you are hurting. Sometimes being a great guy is alot harder than being an ass. You have to have faith that there is a women out there for you. I married MY nice guy and have made his life a living hell ever since:p so be careful what you wish for;)

[celticangel]

hope u find your someone special--------and like my granny used to say " You have to kiss a lot of frogs before u find your prince!"-------guess its the same for guys too!~~~~~love will find u!xxxx

[LixyChick]

Believe it or not Nice Guy......being a nice guy isn't always a bad thing. I can tell from your post that you want more from the relationships with the women in your life than what you are getting now. Most women don't even know that they want a nice guy. They love the challenge of a "bad boy" and they will follow one to the ends of the earth and take all his shit along the way.....and when they finally get him.....then they want to change him into a nice guy! It's mostly lack of maturity.

I know for me........my "first love" personified the bad boy image. He was a drummer with long hair and had so many girlfriends I don't think he even knew how many he had. He rode a motorcycle and did drugs and didn't care about my feelings at all. I "chased" him for nearly nine years (I was persistent) and when it finally dawned on me that he wasn't what I wanted at all........and when I told him of my revelation.........he did a 180 degree turn around and became my persuer! But, by then it was too late and I dumped him! That was the day I realized I deserved to be treated better and I wanted a "nice guy".

This isn't to say that you'll have to wait. I am really just suggesting that maybe a more mature woman might be more receptive to your kindness and sensitivity. I'm not talking a May/December romance.........but from our PM I know that you are around the age my current husband was when he and I met. He was 22 and I was 30. He was in a similar situation as you in that he had a "friend" that he had known since Jr. High. She considered him her best friend.....but he wanted her like there was no tomorrow! I even counseled him a bit, at first, as to how to get her attention turned from friends to dating. Then it occured to me.......Fuck Her! He was a really nice guy and I wanted him for myself! LOL! To this day (and we still see her ocassionally) she is kicking her own ass for not seeing the light way back then. Her mother even told her so at our wedding! LMFAO!

I know that you think you don't have a chance with your current friends but believe me they WILL realize their loss one day! In the meantime......why not try and find a slightly older woman to date. Even if it goes nowhere........these "friends" you have now might just get the wake-up call they need to see that they have the perfect guy right in their own backyard!

Hope this helps you a bit! I hate to think that a nice guy like you thinks he'll finish last!

*hugs*

[SteinFibers]

Sometimes being nice or not isn't even in the picture. Let's face it, I don't know too much about you but let me share my experience. I am Mr. Average, nothing special about me. All the girls I've ever known didn't ever bother to think that maybe I needed a relationship here and there too. I guess the first time I heard, "All men are Pigs, oh but I don't mean you," or "Why can't more guys be like you," I knew my life of being O for a million had begun. So I took a new approach, instead of being shut down at every turn, I learned that being 0/0 is working better for me. :confused: There is a saying "Nothing ventured nothing lost." Granted it does become real lonely. But I think I have it figured out, the Girl that wants me, the girl that I am suppose to be with will come to me. This way, she will be the one and the only. I am 23, I am on my way to completing my education. I have to figure eventually there will be someone.

I know it's not as much as a solution as it is a ......well i don't know what it is.. But I truely feel that so far out of all the women that I have met, including the ones that I had a physical attraction to...None of them were the right ones for me. The one that falls for me, will like me because of my character.

I hope.

Steinfibers..:fly:

[jennaflower]

Yes, It can be said that the "Nice Guys finish last"... I am here to tell you tho.. the "Nice Girls do too!" Whether you believe it or not, it is true.

The nice thing about the Nice ones finishing last.. is when the race is over... the nice ones find one another :)

HUGS

[Nice Guy]

I know what all of you are say is true. Normally I just shrug it off and carry on. But I've been getting little sleep lately due to the long hours working on a play so I'm not as strong as I normally am.

[Vintage Vixen]

Originally posted by jennaflower
Yes, It can be said that the "Nice Guys finish last"... I am here to tell you tho.. the "Nice Girls do too!" Whether you believe it or not, it is true.

The nice thing about the Nice ones finishing last.. is when the race is over... the nice ones find one another :)

HUGS

What Jenna said.....:):)I've always been a people pleaser thinking
if i do what they want they'll love me,didn't work w/my ex i tried way to long and got nothing in return.Then i realized it was because i allowed myself,or didn't feel like i deserved to be treated well.That has since changed because i've changed...i know i deserve better now.And now i finally have found better:)

[SteinFibers]

Just an interesting opinion...I was talking to a friend at work about one of the "Threads" I had posted on and we began to talk about Nice guys Finishing Last...A funny thing happened, one of the co-workers in the next lane over heard us and made a comment about how nice guys=fat guys or Ugly guys or Off beat guys... on how a nice guy couldn't be someone who is Handsome or attractive or popular... Although his wasn't as great as a generalization. I understood what he meant but it sorta got me steamed. I told him that it didn't mean "ALL" nice guys fit that category and to my surprise he put up a good arguement, this is what he said in a nutshell,

"He did not mean that all nice guys were off, definately there would be some who would be considered "attractive" by today's standards, his arguement was that for the most part about 80-90% would be fat, ugly, sicko, too skinny or something of the like."

I just wanted to know what everyone else thought?

and if you do agree then does that mean its not the fact that nice guys are finishing last, rather, its because they have some sort of major defect (you know what i mean) that is preventing them from obtaining women?

Just some food for thought... let me know...

[Vintage Vixen]

THAT IS SOOOOO NOT TRUE!!!80-90% Hell no it has absolutley nothing to do with how a person looks or if they have a defect character or otherwise.

[IenkiMoonshine]

I don't know if this will help at all... I've some great male friends throughout my life, and many of them I was very attracted to, but I"m terrible at making the first move without encouragement, so never did anything with most of them.
One of my friends, Russ, later told me that he really had wanted something between, but I never had a clue! If he'd made any indication, I would've been willing but never had the chance.
I think it's difficult for guys because the girl expects you to be the one to take charge and if you aren't that type, it's easy to feel frustrated.
Nice Guy, remember especially when other things in life are stressing you out, just try to take it a day at a time. THings will get better!
If you need to pm, feel free !

Oh and I think that it's wrong to say 'nice guys' = defectives. I've known nice guys that were soooo damn sexyyyyy (and still had trouble getting girls cuz they were too shy I guess)! I've known nasty mean guys that were ugly as sin. It's just a personality thing.

[LixyChick]

Originally posted by SteinFibers


"He did not mean that all nice guys were off, definately there would be some who would be considered "attractive" by today's standards, his arguement was that for the most part about 80-90% would be fat, ugly, sicko, too skinny or something of the like."

I just wanted to know what everyone else thought?

and if you do agree then does that mean its not the fact that nice guys are finishing last, rather, its because they have some sort of major defect (you know what i mean) that is preventing them from obtaining women?

Just some food for thought... let me know...

I've always been of the school that......"Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder!"................

I've done it.....so have you (if you are to be honest with yourself)........I've looked at a physically handsome/beautiful person and have gone gaga! Yes! The physical appearance is, from afar, a trigger.

Get closer..........to anyone you find appealing in any way, shape or form......pretty or not........and then you can judge.........loser? ~or~ worth a closer investigation?

But to clone another cliche'..........."Never judge a book by it's cover"! If it's tattered and you don't read it anyway........you might miss a story that has more meaning to your life than you could ever imagine!

P.S. IEMS.........^5 my sister from a different mister! EXCELLENT advise hun! Great analogy....I never thought to mention the "shy" factor. And the regret in later times when I found out I missed out just for the mere fact that he wouldn't and neither would I! EXCELLENT point!