I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural,
wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me
neither."
--Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a
good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
--Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date
on Saturday night."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase
sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is
the Mercedes-Benz
380SL."
--Lynn Lavner

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The
other eight are unimportant."
--George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake
whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a
son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where
he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad
it is."
-- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, & you didn't think
Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out
a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a
woman I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think
of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more
comfortable undressing in front of men than they do
undressing in front of other women.
They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course,
men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that
many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the
problem?"
-- Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because
men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody
naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a
penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-- Robin Williams

__________________
i'm funnier looking

Thanks, dzbuster. These were terrific!

__________________


"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, then let it, and if you have to wait for what you really want, take the time because nobody said that life would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it." ~ Unknown author