I dunno if I'm just talking out loud or asking for advice but I feel a need to share again...so here goes............

Earlier this week I got a really disturbing late night phone call from my brother-in-law (BIL). He works shift work (he's a cop) and so he called when he thought he might catch me. I don't even know where to begin with this so it might seem chaotic in explaination. I'll try to make it as clear as possible.

Seems my eldest sister (50), two years my senior, has developed short term memory loss and is showing signs of dementia. In fact, I wasn't all too shocked to hear this news, but I was extremely sad to hear it spoken out loud. As you know, Mr. Lixy had been sick and hospitalized recently. When I spoke to my sister on the phone about it she didn't seem to hear me or care about Mr. Lixy's condition, but instead just babbled on about something trivial till I called her attention to what I had just told her. This isn't the first time that we've spoken and she didn't seem to hear my words at all. And come to find out she does it with everyone...more and more lately.

But that isn't the crux of it. BIL told me that around May 1 she was in a really serious accident in which she plowed into the rear end of an SUV and deployed her airbags and totalled her car. When she called him (on duty) and he asked if she was ok and did she call 911 she just calmly said yes and yes. She never mentioned if the people she hit were ok...she wasn't upset in any way. This is NOT sis's usual behavior. Normally she would have been crying and pacing and trying to help others, etc. She just sat and waited till BIL came and picked her up to take her home...never mentioning the accident or where her car was to him again.

A close friend of sis's told BIL that on their recent trip to the shore (prior to above accident) sis was driving like a nut when suddenly she slowed down and stopped in the fast lane. When the friend questioned sis, sis acted like she was still driving till the friend made her look at the dash and sis realized she wasn't moving.

On Memorial day sis was talking with BIL and right then and there she pee'd her pants. When BIL pointed it out to her she denied it till he showed her. He told her to shower and went to find her in the shower with her underwear and shirt still on. He got her out, removed her clothes for her, and told her to shower again. She got back in but never turned on the water again...just exited a few minutes later and dried and went into the living room. Sis had been diagnosed with a bladder infection earlier that week and just refused to believe it and didn't take her meds. BIL had to do something to help her so he had her admitted to the local hospital. She is in there now, from Memorial Day, and hasn't questioned it a bit. Again...NOT like sis at all! Doc[s] have again diagnosed her with a definite bladder infection but haven't diagnosed anything else as yet.

One night BIL was sitting with sis in her hospital room and sis was drinking a small glass of water. Even when the water was gone sis continued to mimick the drinking all through their conversation. This went on for about 45 minutes before BIL questioned a nurse as to if they noticed this behavior.

Sis had a hysterectomy recently (bout a year ago) and has been on meds to control mood swings and depression. I don't think she is on HRT...but using herbal therapy instead. She had a "mental breakdown" several years ago...but I don't know the details. She never shared the full details and so I thought it private and I never asked. Sis has always been a tad peculiar in that she laughs at nearly everything she says, even when it's not funny. There are other quirks that add up to a complete her. My mother had a mental disorder (paranoid scizophrenia) that I was certain wasn't hereditary but I knew us kids could exhibit subsidiary conditions...such as myself being an obsessive/compulsive sort of person in some areas of my life.

BIL's sister told him to call me...that I should know what's happening. BIL thought my sis would be better by now, but she isn't and his sister thought he should tell our side of the family. A couple of times when I spoke with him I was sure he was on the verge of tears. He loves her so much and I think he is feeling a bit of shame about all of this. I told him I could supply him with any family history he'd need to help sis. He's been in our family for almost 30 years now and he knows us pretty well, but I wanted him to know I'd do ANYTHING I could to help.

I love this man like my own brother! He gave me away at my wedding to Mr. Lixy! My dad was dead and my brother was MIA (later found to be dead as well) and he was next in line in my family to do me the honor, in my eyes. I love my sister too but we've never really been as close as I am to my baby sis. That's not to say that I don't care...I DO...but I just ain't as surprised at this revelation as I think BIL is. I feel helpless because he doesn't want me and my sisters to visit yet till he speaks with the doc's and finds out if it'll help or hurt to see us. This is where I think he feels the shame. I think he really doesn't want us to see sis in this diminished capacity now.

His friends at work know sis very well and keep telling him to take her to a better hospital for diagnosis. The doc[s] at the hospital she's in now said they won't stand in his way if he feels he should do it, but they need time to get the answers right and sis seems comfortable in her surroundings now and they don't know how she'll react if BIL moves her. I think he was asking for advice and I told him I trusted his wisdom and he'd know if/when it was time to move her.

I'm scared for her and for him! I'm scared for me too! As I said...I'm just two years younger than her. Oh geezzzzzzzzzz...it never ends...does it? One of the saddest aspects of all of this (other than my sister's well being) is that BIL and sis were going to retire soon. He's been on the force for over 20 years and can take a nice pension soon. They sold their house to their son and were going to travel the country and see America before they settled down on a recently aquired piece of property near his family home in Deleware.

Life sure has a way of kicking you in the ass when you aren't looking, ya know?

Thanks for listening once again!

*HUGS*

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

(((((Lixy))))))

My first instinct (wrong or right), if I were in Bil's shoes, would be to take her to a specialist. What she has "could" be diminished capacity, or something else like a chemical reaction to medicine, turmor or something else. Until a specialist is called in.... ???? you guys really dont' know.

As far as moving her - if she does have diminished capacity - she probably won't really know as long as some familiar items are around her (i.e. Bil - flowers, anything she sees as color etc that is similar).

There is a medicine for Alzheimers that has has some good results in a certain percentage of the population... again, a specialist would know what would be best for her on that.

Lixy - all I can say is Cobalt and I will continue to keep you and yours in our thoughts and prayers.

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

Wow. I know I'm entirely new to you, but please accept my sympathy. And no, I"m not a medical professional.

But if she was mine, I'd surely want her checked, immediately, by a psychiatrist (not psychologist) to get a diagnosis. And if there is a better hospital, and her current doctors are as clueless about what is going on as you and BIL describe, then he needs to get a move on to get her the help asap, I'd think.

Your explanation was very clear and logical.

I understand BIL's embarrassment, but he really needs to get over himself and help the woman he loves so much. It is clearly something that is beyond the people she is presently with .... He needs to be upfront with someone and maybe give them a copy of the post you just wrote, so they know how pervasive all of this is.

There are tests, simple ones, to distinguish among Alzheimer's, demential, emotional disorders, chemical disorders, and so on. At her age, it is likely (or at least we can hope) that if he is able to get her someone who can prescribe for psychotic lapses in behavior, it may be able to be controlled, or at least reduced.

Good luck to you, and to your family.
JW

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If you're not confused, you're misinformed.

Oh (((((Chey & Cobalt)))))...TY for talking out loud with me!

I added/edited something to my original post (in case you missed it).

Yes...I totally agree with you about the specialist[s] and I know in my heart that BIL will do EVERYTHING that is in sis's best interest. He'd fall on a sword for her if he thought it would help. That's how devoted he is to her. I promise he isn't procrastinationg with any false hopes. He is an extremely intelligent man and has a heart of gold.

We too are thinking early signs of Alzheimers. It's been discussed and I don't know as of this moment what the diagnosis is. I'm giving BIL space till I can't stand wondering any longer. I want to know and yet I don't...if that makes sense.

I cry...and then I think, "This is silly...you don't even know what she's dealing with yet. Stop making mountains out of mole hills"!

I'm almost "sure" they are running every test in the book...but as I said, BIL hasn't called me in a couple days and so I don't know the details yet. I think I'll call him later today if I don't hear from him first.

Love ya!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

(((((((Lixy))))))) I will pray for your sister and BIL. She defiantly needs real medical attention. This is just awful and I can only imagine how you must feel. I have a sister so I know how strong that bond is.

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Just when the caterpiller thought the world was over, it became a butterfly!

Owning Pita, by my JassWolf!!
My Story~ Friday Night Spanking

(((((((((((Lixy))))))))))

I hope he takes her to a new doc asap.

Her driving sounds quite scary. She needs a specialist.

JassWolf...Hello! And may I say...WELCUM TO PIXIES!

TY for your concern and for taking time to reply. I agree with you wholeheartedly and I assure you that BIL ONLY has sis's very best interests at heart when he demonstrates shame and embarrassment for her. I've rarely known a man who loves his wife as much despite the numerous quirks, ups, downs and in-between's they've had in their life together. He is truely devoted to sis and I trust his judgement completely!

I just know he has thought of everything you have said about her care. He'll deduce the situation and do what's best for her...to the best of his ability. There are better hospitals to take her to (not that the hospital she's in sucks) but they are out of his state and so he wants to get the best help in the immediate vicinity if he can. If he can't...he'll take her to the ends of the earth if necessary!

TY so much for the good wishes and I hope to see you around the boards!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

(((((Lixy))))) Don't really have anything to add to the above posts, but hope you know I'm sending positive thoughts your way ... Also hope you have some answers soon ... waiting can be the worst in such times, it leaves so much time to the imagination!

TT...TY so much! Yes...a sibling is hurting and we all feel the pain! As per my usual self, I am about to say something odd here. I've always wondered what it was like to look at the world through "rose colored glasses"...as my sister might be doing right now. I know she isn't in any physical pain and so I am hoping this is bliss for her till/if we can bring her back! When Mom used to stop her medication and "go off the deep end" (you had to be there) I would watch her like she was a science experiment. She seemed to be having a really nice time (most times) in that "world of her own". To know me is to know...I try to make sense of everything in a very scientific way. Oh shit...am I babbling? *hugs*

Steph...I know...I know! She's "safe" in the hospital now...but I gotta wonder what she does when she's driving around. When I called BIL the other day (on his cell) he pulled over to talk to me. Him being a cop and all...guess he has to, huh? LOL! Anyway...when he told me he was pulling over and to hang on a moment I got to wondering..."Was sis talking on the cell when she rear ended that SUV"? Things that make ya go hmmmmmmmmmmmm???? Thanks sweety...I know you're right. I'll get more details later today! *hugs*

fzzy...Just your hugs and thoughfulness are plenty to add! I'm not the most patient person on this planet (as you probably know), but I'm trying to wait for BIL to get a hold of me. He's stretched so thin these days, as you can imagine. I'm trying my best to wait for him to come to me! *hugs*

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

(((Lixy))) My heart breaks for you... and I will be keeping all of you in my prayers... I offer you my shoulder when you need it...

HUGS..

Not sure what to say except to send you a hug!

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~Tainted Love~

LixyChick,

I wish there was something I could do to help. Here's hoping that all of you get the answers you need soon. Hang in there, I'm sure that the doctors will figure it out.

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Eudaimonia

It's sad how often people plan for retirement, only to find that the partner develops something to throw cold water on the parade.

All the more reason for us to enjoy life now, there may not be a next week.

Our thoughts are with your sister and BIL.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

DR. Lil needs to put in her

I have a serious suspicion it's not Alzheimer's. Don't ask me:shrugs: The bladder thing and her bizarre not just forgetful behavior have me thinking it is something else. I know I don't know shit but I really think she is have almost blackouts not memory lapses from your descriptions.

Here is a good bit of infor on Early Alzheimer's

http://www.cchs.net/health/health-i...p?index=9592%20

((((hugs))) I'm glad she has such a loving caring family to care for her when she can not care for herself.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

My family is a plethora of "fruitcake" activity! JHCOAB! Where does it end? You can't begin to know what's happening with my baby sis and her youngest, and too, her oldest son! Not to mention...the sis right below me in age? HOLY SHIT! Her family is going to hell in a handbasket!

I'm feeling isolated and scared beyond my wits! My life seems so "normal" that I am just waiting "for the other shoe to drop". I know kharma peeps! I know I can't have this "peace" forever. I can't come away from this unscathed. Selfish thinking? You betcha! I'm THERE when they need me...but I'm paranoid (a bit of Mom???) that my turn is next! I put out good! Am I ALWAYS going to get good back? I think NOT!

*ducks the bad kharma*



jenna...I love the stuffin's outta you! Your shoulder's have held me on so many occasions! Please don't let your heart break for me. Instead, keep those prayer's and good thoughts for sis, and somehow know that she can feel your concern! Read my last sig quote. I thought of "us" (Pixies) and especially you when I grabbed it. *hugs*

IWM...Gratefully accepted and right backatcha! *hugs*

jseal...Just knowing you wanted to "talk out loud" with me is soothing! TY hun! Here's hoping...right along with you! *hugs*

OF...True dat! If we could only know "then" what we know now........yada, yada, yada! TY for your concern sweetums! Ya know I love ya for that! *hugs*

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~