Ok, here's the deal. I'm an 18 year old Bisexual male who has been lucky enough to find my soulmate even at this young age. We love each other completely and are certain that we will be together until death takes one of us away. We have an average sex life for a married couple. We have sex 2-3 times a week, have tried about every position possible, and have the time tested ability to work through things. We've shared our fantasies with each other and recently got on the subject of sex toys, more specifically strap ons.

Seeing as how I am Bi I've always had a certain sweetspot for cocks. I love them! I love the way that they can be so soft while being so hard and strong. I've always fantasized about giving head and have even found myself so desperate to give head, I would actually suck vibes, dildo, and dongs. All of that certainly does something for me but I never felt satisfied.

I know that I will never be satisfied until I can actually feel a big cock shooting warm salty sperm down my throat. This is where my problem begins. I completely belong to my wife just as she belongs to me. That means that she will never share me with ANYONE plain and simple. We've talked about this for what seems to be dozens of times because I would like to try threesomes (mmf or mff), an orgy, or maybe even swinging.

We have both admitted that me sucking a strap on that she's wearing would be a huge mutual turn on. However, I know that will never be enough and I'm basically looking for advice.

Now I love my wife completely and there is simply no one out there that even holds a candle to her. This is why I know that I would never "Cheat" on her just for a simple experience no matter how much I want it. However, throughout our entire relationship we have tried to fulfill or at least attempt to fulfill every last fantasy each of us have so that we can have as complete of a relationship as possible.

So please, if you have any suggestions on how I can work with my wife to fulfill this fantasy, please give them.

silentsoul...

First.. your name suits you well I think...

Secondly... could it be that since your wife is aware of your bi-ness... that maybe her hesitation is caused more by a fear that once you experience that portion of your sexuality that you may loss interest in the part of your sexuality that she participates in? Just a thought.. IF that is what her fear is... I don't see how you are going to be able to convince her otherwise...

I don't envy your situation at all... denying yourself a deep desire out of loyalty and love for your wife. I do hope that you are able to continue to do so, for the sake of your marriage.... but I can't help but think that denying part of your sexuality must be exhausting emotionally thus that can't be good for odds of a long term marriage.

Can I ask... IF you were certain you were bi-sexual before you got married, why did you not choose to experiement with that PRIOR to making a long term commitment?

Good luck... and I am sorry for your struggle.

Thank you Jenna for your thoughts.

The reason that I did not experiment before I became involved with my wife is that she is my high school sweetheart. I have only had one other lover besides my wife. About six months after that relationship ended was when I met my wife. That six months was spread out over summer vacation and the first semester of my junior year of high school. I only knew of one openly gay male and he avoided having any relationship with another school member. Adding the fact that he was simply not my type left me with practically no opportunity to experiment with a same sex relationship.

Even though this dilema is slightly exhausting emotionally, the love and loyalty that I have for my wife makes up for that. I know that I would never risk the trust we have between ourselves, I simply wish that I could communicate with her in a way that would get my message across without offending or upsetting her.

Hello Silentsoul,

As the female half of a couple who are active swingers, I'd like to offer a little of our experience and knowledge here.

We have been actively involved in the lifestyle for three years and have been together ten years. Although your relationship began with your wife a couple of years prior to your marriage, your marriage is new and is much different than dating. This alone is quite overwhelming and will take time to settle comfortably in your roles as husband and wife, building comfort and security. You say that you have brought up about the possibility of MMF, FFM, etc. with her, but you don't say what her reaction was. If her reaction was negative, then I would say to avoid pushing the subject for now and just concentrate on your own relationship as a couple. As your marriage matures so will your ideas about what you both may want to seek in the future as a couple. Quite frankly if my husband would have brought up a bi-sexual issue early on in our relationship, I would have been shocked to say the least. It has only been in the last couple of years that he revealed a fantasy similar to yours and my first thought was not of shock, but "Cool!". That wouldn't have been the case though as little as five years ago.

Take your time and build that relationship with your wife, chances are your fantasy will have to remain just that for now, but later down the road, all of your fantasies may come true with her blessing and cheering you on.

Good luck!

MontereyGirl, your advice was very helpful. You asked about her reaction to the possibility of a threesome and that raises another question. Her reaction was that she would not be able to handle the acuality of sharing me with someone else. I respect opinion on this even though I feel differently because of her past relationships. All of her previous relationships were bad to say the least. She has never thought of herself as even close to attractive. Even now she disagrees whenever I tell her how beautiful she is but even her family has volunteered their opinion that she's not even close to the same person she used to be. With her having this much self-conscienceness she found herself in relationship after relationship with "players" and straight up assholes who treated her horribly and often cheated on her, numerous times.

I understand that in this relatively new relationship she has not had the time that she needs to resolve her fears that the same thing that happened in the past will not happen now. Although I have brought up the issue of experimenting with addition partners a few times it has been to understand more about her feelings rather than asking her permission. My wife and I both agree that communication is second only to trust in a relationship and we work almost daily to maintain those two things.

I want to express the fact that I do not expect or even really want us to try something like this for quite a while. I simply feel that the better I understand her and her mindset, the happier I can make her. Having said that, I do still want to try this but at this time I am mostly looking to better understand her mindset so that when we are ready, we have a better chance of coming out of this without any regrets or fears.

Silentsoul, your wife's reaction is not uncommon given the newness of your relationship together. Some may say your age has a lot to do with it, but I at the age of 32 felt as much like your wife does at this time. Please understand even though I feel you are too young to be seeking these sort of sexual adventures (and I am sure many others do too), my opinions are based more on the newness of your marriage.

When you take into consideration the rest of what you have revealed about your wife and her insecurities, it makes me think even more that you MUST concentrate soley on your marriage and put your desires on the back burner. She needs to know and by know I mean that YOU are the one who loves her no matter what and that you will always be there for her, not just some other fly-by-night flake. This may take several years. There are no two ways around it. For now it is best that you live out your fantasies in your mind and with toys. Concentrate on your marriage and bite the bullet. When you are both solidified in your marriage, only then would I bring up the fantasy again.

I wish the best for both of you.

Thank you MontereyGirl for your once again very helpful advice.

I am sorry that I didn't express my feelings more clearly in my previous reply but I agree with your opposition towards engaging ourselves in such activities at this time. I know that we will not be ready for something like that for quite some time. I say "we" because I myself have some issues with seeing some other man be with her. Although my issues are not quite as serious as her's, I refuse to do anything potentially dangerous as this until all issues are resolved for both of us.

I love my wife very much. She is the air that I breathe and the blood that fills my body. I know that we will be together for the rest of our lives and that the most important thing right now is to concentrate on building and strengthen our relationship.

Thank you once again MontereyGirl for your advice and your blessings. I have no doubt that pixies has gained a very valuable member.