Monday, September 18th

Dear Diary, Lughnasadh is nearly midway through I can hardly believe it myself how quickly it came and is nearly gone! My heart flutters with anticipation and nervousness at the thought of attending the Autumnal Equinox Masquerade Ball. It marks the passage into womanhood, a time to enjoy the bounty of the season, my time to take this journey. This will be my first and Lillian will not share with me any details from her first Autumnal Equinox ball. But I can see it in her eyes when we talk of getting our masks, that she recalls it with a fondness. Her eyes, those cool pools of aqua-blue, shimmer with a deep emotion I can’t quite place my finger on. Then so abruptly she changes the subject as if I am too naïve to realize she has secrets bubbling in her soul. Well Lillian, I too have secrets bubbling in my soul, secret desires.

Tuesday, September 19th

Dear Diary,
Today Lillian and I went to Angie’s Boho Boo-Teek to find all the appropriate trimmings and adornments to complete our masquerade costumes. Which if you call wearing a black dress with pumps and ornate masks made of leather, feathers, sequins and other adornments a masquerade then so it will be. I had always imagined it to be more embellished, more elaborate. More like the masquerade balls seen in the movies. Fancy gowns and costumes. At any rate, I must confess I feel a bit disappointed.

All things considered, I think I chose an exquisite mask; it is all black with a base of soft black leather adorned richly with a spray of glossy black feathers around each temple and over the brows. Around the eyes are black shiny sequins dotted with black rhinestones…it is most elegant, in my estimation. Elegant and lovely in its simplicity.

Lillian selected a mask that was most elaborate, peacock feathers and dangling gems. It seems so lewd and extravagant. She often desires to be the center of attention. Often leaning toward bold and brash rather than maintaining a more ladylike position of refinement and patience. It’s little wonder she goes through so many suitors. None can appease her demanding nature.

Nonetheless we had a delightful time at the Boo-Teek. Angie has so many fun items; I couldn’t help but try on so many treasures. She had faux leopard coats, coats of many colors made with quilt squares – they were lovely. My mind filled with ideas of many clever things I could be making this winter. I have an idea for a gown dress that I don’t want to forget; I will sketch a picture of it to remind myself for later.

One other thing I purchased today at the Boo-Teek was a pair of black lace panties to wear under my dress. I’m not sure why, but it was as if they spoke to me. ONCE I picked them up I could feel their power. I suddenly felt a feeling of confidence wash over me it was most empowering. I was certain at that moment that I needed these panties to make me brave for whatever would happen at the ball.

I’m late I must do my nightly meditations… I will write more in the morning.

Wednesday, September 20th

Dear Diary,
I woke early this morning to do my morning rituals, which normally seem to go fine and it was a lovely day. I enjoyed my walk in the woods and my commune with nature but this evening the lunar question has me a bit shaken. I need to explore the freedom of letting go. Internally, I can let go and rejoice and enjoy the many treasures and bounty that autumn brings to us each year. But I feel in my heart that this solar question is asking me to look deeper into myself for the meaning and to find the inner strength to really let go. It scares me to look so closely at myself. I worry what others might think, what they would say. What they might do to me, if I truly let go. I’m afraid.

I turn now to those panties and hold them in my hand as I write. I truly believe they hold magic. I feel a calm and clarity. I feel sure of myself and that there really isn’t anything to fear –but to be open to what lies ahead. To let go and let it happen as nature has planned.
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I feel asleep with the panties in my hand. I had a dream it was unlike my usual dreams. In this dream, it was as if I was watching myself. I was lying in my bed, the sheets were askew, I was naked and there was a candle burning softly on the nightstand. I was touching myself, my hands rubbing down my neck and over my collarbone, my palms were flat and they brushed lightly over my breasts. I could feel my nipples rise up and a heat stirring in my loins. I lay that way, my head back, eyes closed, rubbing my nipples feeling the heat intensify in my loins. It was nearly unbearable, my hands slid down over my soft belly and my fingertips ran through my curls of womanhood. I parted my legs and could feel the cool of the night air against the heat of my sex.

My fingers slid down my thighs and back up between them my fingers dragging slowly, softly, exploring and feeling the heat, a soft wetness. I pressed a finger into me and it felt so good. I rubbed a nub and felt incredible pleasure. My mind was a blur of colors and the heat was so intense. I plunged my fingers in again and felt their coolness within. I pulled them out and pushed them in again, trying to quench the fires that burn inside my being. I couldn’t help it; soft moans escaped my lips and couldn’t stop. No. I didn’t want to stop. I plunged my fingers into my sex over and over, twisting them and turning them, curling them. May the goddess have mercy on me. It felt so right. Suddenly my body did shudder and my fingers were wet. I brought them to my lips and brushed over them softly, I opened my mouth and suckled my fingers, all I could think was I had harvested the honey of my soul.


Thursday, September 21st

Dear Diary,
Tomorrow night is the ball. The celebration of the Autumnal Equinox it still seems mysterious to me. I blame Lillian for that. She is full of secrets, half-stories and innuendo. She makes me wonder if it’s not all a sham. I think she is filling my head with ideas of grandeur and I will be disappointed. So to prepare I am expecting it to be an ordinary event. Nothing extraordinary, just expect the usual suspects and the celebration of autumn. That way I will protect myself from another one of Lillian’s notions.

I must get some good sleep tonight for tomorrow will be a full day.
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I’m frightened Dairy, I had another dream, I woke out of fear and I tremble now as I write this. This dream was not like the beautiful one I had last night. This dream was dark. I was in the orchard picking apples. It was near days end and my basket was full. I felt as if I was being watched, I turned and in the shadows of the trees there he was. A man was watching me. He was tall, dark, with a mane of dark curls, the trees leaves cast shadows upon his face blocking it from view. I thought I saw a glimmer of white, had he been smiling? I can’t be sure. I had no idea how long he’d been there watching me. I didn’t know if I should continue about my chores and pretend I didn’t notice or if I should gather up my basket and hightail it back home. I moved about slowly, cautiously, trying to keep him in view discretely. I took a drink of water and closed my eyes. When I opened them he was gone.

I wonder who he is and why he comes to me in my dreams and hides in the shadows.


Friday, September 22nd


Dear Diary,
I should finish getting ready, but here I sit her gazing into the mirror hiding behind my mask. I am debating over which lipstick will go best with black. Like it really matters. Boldly I choose Red Velvet; it’s a rich deep red, smooth and matte, not to bright as to seem out of place. I think it will be perfect.

Off to the ball…and what lies ahead.

It is 3 AM I can hardly believe I am still awake. I can’t sleep yet. I must share what transpired tonight or I may burst. It was unbelievable. I don’t mean the entire night, but let me say it was much more than I had expected or ever could have imagined. Yes, many thanks were given and shared for the bounty of the harvest.
The music played gaily and we talked and danced. Various young men taking turns asking for dances with Lillian, Rosemarie, and myself along with the others. It was a night of good kinship and happiness. After awhile it just seemed to be a blur of sound and motion and light. It was really turning out to be rather ordinary, a typical social event just like many of the others of the year.

Then he entered the room. No one really seemed to notice like I did. My focus on him became most clear and everything else continued to be a blur. It was almost as if the light in the room had changed. It seemed to fill with an amber glow and all I could do was to watch him. He wore a mask that covered only half of his face a mask of gold topped with a spray of black feathers that seemed to blend into his mane of dark curls. He wore a black suit with a black shirt and a red tie. Most elegant and handsome in it’s simplicity.

It took some time before the recollection from my dream surfaced. It was him, the man from my orchard dream. For an instant I lost my breath, but then soon regained my composure after a hefty gulp of wine. No sooner had I set my glass down and Lillian was on the prowl. She had noticed and was in route to meet this masked man. Who did she think she was, he was there for me. He’d come to me in my dream, waited for me, and watched me. Now she was going to disrupt what nature had planned.

I couldn’t bear to watch, my anger flared and smoldered soon. I realized it wasn’t worth it. I went to fetch some more of the harvest wine and walked out onto the patio, I needed to feel the warmth of the moon on my skin and the cool of the night drift up my dress and tickle my magic panties. I felt a calm wash over me and all was good.

I was just standing there gazing at the moon when in my ear I heard in a voice deep, warm and rich, like warm chocolate,” So many moons ago, as legend tells on the day of the Equinox, Hades, the Lord of the Underworld, came upon Persephone picking flowers. Much like I did with you working in the orchard.” My heart skipped a beat. I knew of the myth. I felt his body close to mine. Warm, firm, strong. He continued, “He was so taken by her youthful beauty that he had instantly fallen in love with her. Much like I have with you.”

My being filled with great emotion; an emotion I had never known. I felt dizzy and warm, giddy and light. I wanted to turn and to look into his eyes. But I couldn’t. My knees felt weak and leaned into him. His arms embraced me and I felt safe. His hands slid down my sides and I could feel that internal fire roaring inside me. His hands conjured something inside me, even stronger than I had in my dreams of touching myself.

Boldly I took his hand and brought it under my dress, the tiny swath of lace that covered my sex and they were damp with my harvest honey. He inhaled the night air and I felt his fingers slip inside me, gooseflesh covered my body and I trembled. I was hot and was shivering. He gently, slowly pressed inside curling his fingers, tapping ever so gently, as he kissed my neck. I was drunk with passion. I reach behind my back and opened his trousers, feeling his manly staff. I caressed him with naïve, curious hands.

“Hades knew that he couldn’t lived without her, so he snatched her up and carried her off to the darkness of his domain to eternally rule by his side.” He whispered my ear, and I felt him lift the back of my dress, gently he parted my legs and leaned me over the rail of the patio. “You know I love you.” He whispered again right before I felt his shaft glide into my wet sex. I gripped the rail and pressed back into him,

“Yes.” I managed to stammer breathlessly.

Again he asked me, “You know I love you?” Thrusting harder and deeper into my sex. I could feel the fires of my soul burning hot as Hades and my womanhood gripping his shaft tightly. I pushed back to meet his each and every thrust.

“Yes, milord. I know now, and feel your love.” He gripped my breasts, and bit down on my shoulder, and whispered over and over his love for me. His manhood filling me, pulling out and driving back in, such a pleasure never felt before. I cried out into the night, I swore my love to him. His manliness ravaging my sex as the moon blessed our love. Completing my passage into womanhood, I knew this was it. This was my journey.

“Unlike Hades my love, I couldn’t steal you to have your love.” He whispered in a sad sure voice into my ear, his manly ministrations slowing and gentle. I felt my sex swollen with need and a fire needing to be quenched. “I want to love you for an eternity,” he continued. “However it must be a gift that you give freely and not one that I take. Much like we are now locked bodies united in bliss, you offered it to me freely of your own will.” He kissed my shoulders and he pulled my nipples his manliness swelling in size inside me, he began again to savage my sex, hard deep thrusts, he stirred inside me, my sex oozed with harvest honey and all I wanted was more; more of his devotion, more of his love.

“Anything to share with you an eternity of such fierce loving.” I heard myself utter.

“Anything?” He asked again and pumped fiercely into me.

“Yes, milord.” I answered clear and sure, serenity filled my heart and in my soul I knew it was true.

In an instant, he pulled out of me and pushed me to my knees. He grabbed my hair briskly and shoved his staff into my mouth. I looked up at him from behind the feathers of the mask and saw his eyes. My mouth enveloped his staff and I milked the seed of life from his being. He threw his head back and howled as he released all he had. I swallowed and gulped all I could. He withdrew from my mouth and pulled me to him.

I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me. He held my face tenderly, and looked into my eyes. “Oh how I love you, I wish for you to love me too.”

“I do.” I whispered back.

“To love me, it has to be for all of eternity, a decision not to be made lightly. If I kiss you now it will seal our fate. But recall my love, I said I want it to be a gift you give to me of your own free will. I must go now. Think on this. If you wish to gift me your love for all of eternity meet me in the orchard under the full moon and gift me with your kiss of approval.”

Now I must decide, do I want an eternity of love and passion? I have less than a day to decide.

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