Ok, I just got out of the psych ward earlier today. Here's the story behind it (and one that only 2 other Pixie's do know about (and thank you, thank you, thank you a million times for helping out Lizzardbits!!!!).

I suffer from very bad depression. Usually, I'll have an episode and am able to find ways to work through it. However, this last Sunday, things got to a point where I couldn't handle things anymore (and thus, another aspect of my mental illness, suicidal thoughts, reared its head yet again). It has happened once before this bad, and that time (back in 2002, iirr) required an overnight visit to the psych ward. This time, I had the notes almost written and a plan in place, but at the last minute I called a friend in to read the note I had intended for her. Then proceed to call another friend (who hadn't realized things were quite as bad as they were, apparently I hide things way too well) and let her know I was headed to the hospital.

I spent 2 nights in the psych wards, I've been put on new anti-depressants (I had quit taking mine 5 years ago, due to the loss of insurance and lack of money to pay for them myself and the feeling that I really didn't need them anymore). I've also been put on a sleep aid, which should also help.

Right now I'm enjoying my time outside again, and have things in the works to get insurance through my state and information enough so that in the future I'll have things in place to help pay for the meds (fortunately, one is on Wal-Marts $4 med list). I'll also being going back to a conciller (sp?) and I have several support people who know exactly how bad things were for me and are working with me to make sure things never get this bad for me again.


Next up, after I get my insurance is a doctor visit to see how bad my back is getting again (it seems my back is going again for the 3rd time, 2 surgeries already). The depression, the extreme back problems, and the insoimnia are all tied together, and since I've got 2 of the problems worked on, it's time to go for the third. I'm also looking at disability, at least for some time, just to get back on me feet and completely healthy again, as all these health issues have made it practically impossible for me to work.

I'll update when I can, and I'm sure Lizzardbits will pass on news if she can when she gets any

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To those that understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am!

best of luck to you! i hope things are looking better real soon

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

well, things already look much better than the did last week lol

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To those that understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am!

Thank you for reaching out to get help!

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

yeah, but I wish I would have done it before then, but I get too stubborn and withdrawn

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To those that understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am!

I am sorry to hear that it is that serious of an issue. The spelling is "councilor". On a brighter note, it's great to hear you've survived and realized how deep you had gotten and decided against doing anything stupid.

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

Yeah, but I wish I would have learned after thefirst time years ago.

And thanks for the spelling, between trying to get used to the new meds and trying to type on a small notpad computer (almost too small for me big fingers) I gave up on trying to figure it out. My brain is still doing its own thing and is ignoring what my fingers are doing

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To those that understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am!

Yup, you got it, ShadowsFate! I still only have access to here via my smartphone, but if there is anything you want me to pass on to the fantastic Pixies Peeps, I will!

We are just super glad that you are taking the steps in the right direction to better health! Remember, depression is NOTHING to be ashamed of! It is a chemical imbalance. We don't shame diabetics, or people with thyroid problems, or other chemical imbalances.

Know that many, many people care for and about what happens to you, you are not alone!

Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers, shadowsfate, that all will work out for the best and that you'll soon have that insurance protection.

Ditto!

You know what's needed... stick to it. If you ever start thinking you can just take yourself off the meds or handle it on your own, come back and read your own words in this thread.

I pray you'll get your health issues sorted out quickly and with the least pain possible. Be it emotional or physical.

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Put me on wheels and I'll turn tricks.

Clever? Nah, I ran out of that years ago. But if you find this, let me know, k?
"The road goes ever on..." ~ Tolkien

In memory of my friend skip...
Go then, there are other worlds than these

You know, it's all these good wishes and helpful advice that makes me very happy a friend introduced me to Pixies. Hopefully I won't retreat from the world to much that I forget to stop in here from time to time to say hi. Thanks all, you are the greatest!!!!!!

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To those that understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am!

Oh, wonderful, you get to play the antidepressant crap shoot.

Just keep this in mind: the big problem with Eeyore as an AA Milne character is his incurable optimism.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

We're glad your friend did too! You are a great addition to the Pixie family. I hope things go better for you in life. Don't forget to take your meds, ask for help if ya need it but mainly....... don't forget to come here when you need a hug...... (((((shadowsfate))))) .....

Ok, I got the news that I probably have the insurance I was looking for (but I'll beleive it when I get the official insurance card). Now, I get to try and weave my way through the rather poor mental health care system in my area.

I got told by the only mental health center in the area that I have to fill out some paperwork before they can even give me an appointment (and this was after stopping at one of their local offices and waiting for about 15 minutes without any sign of anyone to make an appointment, I knew I should have called first).

And I got a letter today from the group that manages the mental health aspect of my insurance that their goal is to make sure I get an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist within 7 days of my release from hospital, with a number to call. So, I of course called the number, willing to take them up on their offer of them sending a mental healthcare professional to check in on me until I can get into the local mental health center. But what I got was a bunch of question and "advice" with no word on getting anyone to see me any sooner than whenever the local mental health center can manage to squeeze me in.

No wonder so many people in my area give up (come to think of it, I think that's a part of the reason I gave up 4 years ago. I went for 4 years total and saw 5 different therapists, two of whom wound up quitting to go to other jobs. HMMM, I wonder if I had anything to do with that )

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To those that understand, I extend my hand. To the doubtful I demand, take me as I am!

Honestly, I don't put much stock in professional therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists. I find that a good friend with comfy pillows and a sympathetic ear does much better. I'm not nearly as deep as you in the depression area though. I hope all comes through okay and you get the help you need.

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"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf