I dunno if I'm just talking out loud or asking for advice but I feel a need to share again...so here goes............

Earlier this week I got a really disturbing late night phone call from my brother-in-law (BIL). He works shift work (he's a cop) and so he called when he thought he might catch me. I don't even know where to begin with this so it might seem chaotic in explaination. I'll try to make it as clear as possible.

Seems my eldest sister (50), two years my senior, has developed short term memory loss and is showing signs of dementia. In fact, I wasn't all too shocked to hear this news, but I was extremely sad to hear it spoken out loud. As you know, Mr. Lixy had been sick and hospitalized recently. When I spoke to my sister on the phone about it she didn't seem to hear me or care about Mr. Lixy's condition, but instead just babbled on about something trivial till I called her attention to what I had just told her. This isn't the first time that we've spoken and she didn't seem to hear my words at all. And come to find out she does it with everyone...more and more lately.

But that isn't the crux of it. BIL told me that around May 1 she was in a really serious accident in which she plowed into the rear end of an SUV and deployed her airbags and totalled her car. When she called him (on duty) and he asked if she was ok and did she call 911 she just calmly said yes and yes. She never mentioned if the people she hit were ok...she wasn't upset in any way. This is NOT sis's usual behavior. Normally she would have been crying and pacing and trying to help others, etc. She just sat and waited till BIL came and picked her up to take her home...never mentioning the accident or where her car was to him again.

A close friend of sis's told BIL that on their recent trip to the shore (prior to above accident) sis was driving like a nut when suddenly she slowed down and stopped in the fast lane. When the friend questioned sis, sis acted like she was still driving till the friend made her look at the dash and sis realized she wasn't moving.

On Memorial day sis was talking with BIL and right then and there she pee'd her pants. When BIL pointed it out to her she denied it till he showed her. He told her to shower and went to find her in the shower with her underwear and shirt still on. He got her out, removed her clothes for her, and told her to shower again. She got back in but never turned on the water again...just exited a few minutes later and dried and went into the living room. Sis had been diagnosed with a bladder infection earlier that week and just refused to believe it and didn't take her meds. BIL had to do something to help her so he had her admitted to the local hospital. She is in there now, from Memorial Day, and hasn't questioned it a bit. Again...NOT like sis at all! Doc[s] have again diagnosed her with a definite bladder infection but haven't diagnosed anything else as yet.

One night BIL was sitting with sis in her hospital room and sis was drinking a small glass of water. Even when the water was gone sis continued to mimick the drinking all through their conversation. This went on for about 45 minutes before BIL questioned a nurse as to if they noticed this behavior.

Sis had a hysterectomy recently (bout a year ago) and has been on meds to control mood swings and depression. I don't think she is on HRT...but using herbal therapy instead. She had a "mental breakdown" several years ago...but I don't know the details. She never shared the full details and so I thought it private and I never asked. Sis has always been a tad peculiar in that she laughs at nearly everything she says, even when it's not funny. There are other quirks that add up to a complete her. My mother had a mental disorder (paranoid scizophrenia) that I was certain wasn't hereditary but I knew us kids could exhibit subsidiary conditions...such as myself being an obsessive/compulsive sort of person in some areas of my life.

BIL's sister told him to call me...that I should know what's happening. BIL thought my sis would be better by now, but she isn't and his sister thought he should tell our side of the family. A couple of times when I spoke with him I was sure he was on the verge of tears. He loves her so much and I think he is feeling a bit of shame about all of this. I told him I could supply him with any family history he'd need to help sis. He's been in our family for almost 30 years now and he knows us pretty well, but I wanted him to know I'd do ANYTHING I could to help.

I love this man like my own brother! He gave me away at my wedding to Mr. Lixy! My dad was dead and my brother was MIA (later found to be dead as well) and he was next in line in my family to do me the honor, in my eyes. I love my sister too but we've never really been as close as I am to my baby sis. That's not to say that I don't care...I DO...but I just ain't as surprised at this revelation as I think BIL is. I feel helpless because he doesn't want me and my sisters to visit yet till he speaks with the doc's and finds out if it'll help or hurt to see us. This is where I think he feels the shame. I think he really doesn't want us to see sis in this diminished capacity now.

His friends at work know sis very well and keep telling him to take her to a better hospital for diagnosis. The doc[s] at the hospital she's in now said they won't stand in his way if he feels he should do it, but they need time to get the answers right and sis seems comfortable in her surroundings now and they don't know how she'll react if BIL moves her. I think he was asking for advice and I told him I trusted his wisdom and he'd know if/when it was time to move her.

I'm scared for her and for him! I'm scared for me too! As I said...I'm just two years younger than her. Oh geezzzzzzzzzz...it never ends...does it? One of the saddest aspects of all of this (other than my sister's well being) is that BIL and sis were going to retire soon. He's been on the force for over 20 years and can take a nice pension soon. They sold their house to their son and were going to travel the country and see America before they settled down on a recently aquired piece of property near his family home in Deleware.

Life sure has a way of kicking you in the ass when you aren't looking, ya know?

Thanks for listening once again!

*HUGS*

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~