I was watching 60 Minutes last night, while in Mexico City. They showed a segment about a bakery in NYC that hired ex-felons, drug dealers, and other disadvantaged souls....trained them to work in a bakery...and gave them respectable jobs. The company also provided day care, housing, and education to the community.

The COO of the company talked about watching the "double bottom line" ~ making money and doing good works for the community. The business was for-profit, but also socially conscious. I caught myself thinking a lot as I watched the segment...."Hey, I could do THAT...I know how to run a business, and I bet that would be a fun business to run!"

So, now the question....

(1) Have you ever re-evaluated the course of your life? If yes, how did you go about re-evaluating it objectively? What was your process?

(2) What was the outcome? How did you tell your family and friends about the change? Were you happy with your decision?

(3) Any advice, based on what you learned?


I find I'm getting more and more tired of making money for someone else and not giving back to my community...and I am starting to think about a change. Maybe it's late and I'm maudlin...but I'd like to know if anyone else has gone through this. And I suspect a Pixie or two has.

Thanks for reading this damn long post!

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Currently in the midst of a daily, ongoing re-evaluation of my life, too early yet to assess the outcome, except to say I plan to live thru it...or not, time will tell I can't say any of this was voluntary...my life is a major train wreck right now, so obviously the tracks were not going in the right direction...I think I've finally come to the point where I have my objectivity back, in spite of a very dark road ahead...no advice to give, except to keep plugging away...sorry if I ramble a bit, but it is late & the meds are kicking in again

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

Hi Osuche
I have taken a few of the steps that you have been thinking about and it did change my life . getting the support of your loved ones is an important step to the success. I have moved out of my comfort Zone and started a business and I also do a lot of community work. hope that what ever you decide to do brings you happiness

I'm at a similar juncture in my career myself.....I know about lots of things I DON'T want to do, but none of the things I DO want to do! I have been considering taking a relationship counselling course for about the last 9 months now and am still procrastinating.

*sits back and waits to see someone's good advice for my own benefit as well as Osuche's*

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

I actually go through this process about every two years. I seem to get in a rut where I'm feeling less than happy with my life. Right or wrong, for me my career is a large part of my life and if I am not happy during those 50+ hours of my weeks, then it's likely to impact my out-of-career life as well.

My re-valuation usually involves reconfirming to myself in writing what it is that makes me happy or enjoy my career. I also make a list of goals, I don't establish a time on them so it's short and long term. And some of them are rather materialistic, but it's all things that I deem to have some importance to me. I then compare the two lists, what makes me happy or satisfied and what I want to accomplish in my goals. I try to mesh the two together with some adjustments.

So far for me it hasn't meant changes in careers. But changes in location (far north to far south) or changes in companies. It also led me back to higher education at one point.

Telling friends and family - I've never had difficulty with this with the exception of moving clear across the country. To keep the emotion from them out of my equation. I waited until I was certain it was what I wanted and then I let them know. It made it easier to deal with the emotions. And now that I am considering another move across the country, it makes it much easier having done it once. I know that I am capable of such changes and decisions. The response I have received is typically positive. My father in particular is a questioner. Knowing this helps. It makes me consider all angles before I tell him. He's typically impressed that I can answer all his questions, rather than saying, I didn't think of that.

Actually putting things in writing, rather than just having ideas whirling randomly in my head is what works for me. It's a document of my thoughts, and something that I can go back to to re-ground myself when my world comes crashing around me.

I hope that makes some sense.

And osuche, I saw that snip on 60 minutes as well. I felt nearly compelled to order a cake for the sake of supporting an amazing corporation.

(1) Have you ever re-evaluated the course of your life? If yes, how did you go about re-evaluating it objectively? What was your process?

Yes, I had a job where I believed I was working hard but making a sincere difference in young people's lives. I got a new boss who's job I still believe was to close down where I worked. My social service type/work related activities were no longer permitted to go on there. I did not re-evaluate. It just became apparent that my dreams and vision were no longer achievable through those means. I had been there 8 years. I decided what course I needed to take to be the person, I am to be. Some times people spend a lot of time mulling things over when they already know what they need to do but are too afraid to actually take the risk and do it. I just did it.

(2) What was the outcome? How did you tell your family and friends about the change? Were you happy with your decision?

The outcome is that I am currently poor No job just school for the past 3 years. My family witnessed the change that was occurring in both my previous work environment and in me. When I was no longer permitted to recruit families for the program I had developed and serviced for 5 years my husband knew I would not be able to continue. Everyone seemed relieved when I decided to follow an alternate path. It's been pretty obvious my whole life, who I am and what I am to do, but I have been the sole cause for not having reached that potential. Be it fear, laziness, or settling for what was easier, they were all my choices to make. And I am ecstatic with my decision.

(3) Any advice, based on what you learned?

Listen to what your instincts are telling you about who and what you are. Make your decisions out of righteous knowing not fear or doubt. Time slips by faster than you think, don't be stagnant, be moving towards your goals, even if it's baby-steps.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
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What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

(1) Have you ever re-evaluated the course of your life? If yes, how did you go about re-evaluating it objectively? What was your process?

I was kind of forced into re-evaluating it.

(2) What was the outcome?

Well it has been good. I was a bit worried that the job I chose to settle for fired me, but I relaized that I had no more job security at the local plants or engineering firms than I would have answering phones. Just that if I lost that job I would only be out $12,000/yr and not $50,000/yr. I was fired last week, but hey it looks like I got a much better job in the works as a tutor.

How did you tell your family and friends about the change?

My firends are happy about it. It amounted to a lot less griping about not being an engineer or never being a husband or a father. My Mother on the other hand is a bit cross that I won't do anything with my life, settle down, marry and provide her with grandkids.

Were you happy with your decision?

I am a people person. I love working with people, and well let's face it I would not have the opportunities to work with interesting people if I was an engineer. No offense, but most engineers are boring.

(3) Any advice, based on what you learned?

Don't ask me for advice on your life. I have no idea what I am doing.

I find I'm getting more and more tired of making money for someone else and not giving back to my community...

That is precisely the reason why I was becoming enchanted with being a chemical engineer. I would work what 50 hours a week, but what would the end result be? A nice fat paycheck, but when the times get down, the price of crude oil skyrockets and/or it jsut becomes cheaper to move the entire petrochemical industry to Iraq, then what is there to do? I have some ideas on how to run a business, but since they put intangible things like social justice, employee morale, customer loyalty first rather than money, I would never become head of any corporation. If I did it with a company I started, then it would interfere with my addiction to sleep and food.

Well, that's is for now. I forgot where i was going with this and I need to get on the road soon.

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Well sir that seems to be someone else's problem.

Life is interesting. How a TV show can make us ask some really deep and soul searching questions. I need to think about what I want to say. But in the mean time I will offer you a hug, because at times like this a hug is important.

The replies to questions like this do reinforce what great people there are here at Pixies.

Whilst I think you are wonderful Osuche - I don't really know you well enough to give more than a general response, but I think asking other people will give you a good insight into yourself that you may not see so easily. The wood for the trees thing.

I see more and more people rejecting the globalised corporate boxes that are so convenient for us to be packaged in. For me the global corporate community has no soul and so those of us who wish to be in touch with ourselves through real communities, tend to feel deeply unsatisfied. Of course if you are able to separate what you do from who you are then this isn't a big deal.

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Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.

I don't know if this helps your question any.It doesn't have anything to do with the community.I closed my motorcycle business,because,I knew that,if I
kept it open,I would keep drinking!
It was a BIG step,financially,but everyone,in my family,is proud of me.Having my shop, at my residence,meant that there was always booze around.I drank
more,by noon,everyday,then most people do in a year!After you have drank,
like that,for years,your consumption doesn't even bother you.It just gets you,
to where you feel NORMAL.You have to change your lifestyle,but in the long
run it's worth it. Irish
P.S.A caring wife & kids helps immensely!The only problem is that your attitude doesn't change!

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

I'm still looking for a job that pays more than I'm making now. If I paid down my debts & spent several years in a challenging career, I think (in fact I'm pretty sure) I'd be heading down your path of thought right now.

OK, I'm a slightly different case, but heaven knows what might help you in the end...so I'll step up. I don't know if it's the sort of process you're looking for. Grad school sucked, there were a lot of points at which I really didn't know if it was worth it for me. But I had a lot invested already, and didn't want to throw that away without reason.

The point is to be a happy and fulfilled human, right? I figure if I got there, whatever it meant in the end, I'd win. So I made lists. I typed out pages entitled: "what I want" and "what I need." I did them simultaneously, figuring out what deserved to be on each. Then I whittled. I got it down to 5-7 things on each page. It took days. No kidding. It wound up with the basics. I needed enough money not to fear the next billing cycle. I wanted enough that I could give it away without worrying. It turns out, that doesn't have to be a lot of cash. And I threw things off the list, things I wanted that weren't possible (having my Dad be proud of me) for example. Anyway, that sort of thing. Learned a lot, just in that process.

Then I took a week off from active re-evaluation. Came back to the lists, and realized they rang true. I'd pretty much gotten them right. Made adjustments and moved on to the next thing.

I asked myself if my current career/life path could get me where my want/need lists told me I had to be. Honestly, it could. If I hadn't come to that conclusion, I think I'd have jumped ship right then. Or, at least, spent time figuring out what job would get me what I needed in life. I did play around with other ideas, but nothing really fits me as well. But I was still fundamentally unhappy, so the right path to the right things didn't feel like enough to get me to stay. That baffled me.

I made another list. Yes, this career path could take me where I wanted to go....but it was costing me something. I made a list of the sacrifices I felt I was making, all the negative things that were dragging me down. And I realized that I'd screwed up my want/need lists weren't perfect after all.....there were things that were important that I hadn't put down. I needed positive feedback, to know when I was doing something well. Not something I realized when I made my need/want lists. But it's there, in me. I won't be happy without occasional pats on the head...however shallow that makes me. And I wasn't getting any, instead I was getting kicked daily. But that was a temperary thing, it was the person I was working with. If I could get through, get qualified and get out the bad things would go away. The long game made the short term problems worthwhile. In my case, it was going to work out. Or at least, it could. So I stuck with it. Again, if I'd decided that I'd never get the positive feedback, I'd have left. I'd have had to.

I really feel that the difference between me staying on my path and other people leaving theirs was luck. I got lucky and had good guidance and chose the right thing first. But sometimes it takes as much understanding and introspection to stay as to leave. In the end, the real test is knowing what you want, and how to get it.....then doing what's necessary. In my case, it was getting into therapy to get me through the temporary hell. It worked, it got me to the next stage.



I'm great. The job is 1000% improved since I finished the wretched degree and started playing in the big leagues. It's not perfect yet, but I'm not in my final position. People look at me crosseyed sometimes when I tell them where I'm aiming, it's not "the best possible place" in the profession's eyes...more of a consolation prize for those who couldn't hack it at the top. But it's the best thing for me. I'm not there yet, but I'm getting closer daily. Got an interview in a couple of weeks that'll be another step in that direction. And just knowing what I want, why I need it, and that it's all possible is enough to get me through the days when I'm not there yet.

I told my friends and family EVERYTHING. The bad, the good and the ugly. When I didn't have the strength to walk my path, they held me on it....but only because they knew it was what I wanted. They checked my math and kept me honest. They made it easier. I couldn't have done it without them. All of them. Well, strike that. There are genetically close family members who didn't know I was going through the re-evaluation....they wouldn't have helped. But I did tell everyone I trusted to love and care for me, the ones I trusted to let me be my own first priority for a while. I don't know how anyone manages the big things without that kind of support. I let them know that I was questioning, and I let them know what the decisions were, and when I was changing my mind again.




Life isn't a dress rehersal, and you don't have to play it by anyone else's rules. The only way to lose is to refuse to follow your heart. Figure out what your victory conditions are. They don't have to be the same as anyone else's. If it's not a big house in the subburbs with 2 cars, a vacation home, and 2.4 children...then it isn't. If it's working with street kids and the only way to finance that is a day job at McDonalds, do it. Have a think, down to the basics, and then make a detailed plan of how to get what you want. If it's too scary to make a plan for what you're "going" to do...then make one for what "somoeone would have to do" to get there. A detailed plan...find out what's involved. Things are always scariest when they're vague and unclear.

And definately get your cheering section pumped up and ready....you've got a bunch of volunteers here to start with!!

Good luck with it....all of it. It's scary, but you're going to come out of it clearer and more

(Upfront warning, this might get long winded!)

I'm right in the midst of reevaluation of everything in my life. I was already doing things to make changes and Wham, one day one of my constants went to hell in a flash. I'd made the decision to go back to school and finish my degree. I'd hoped it would help in my work. I was inline for some real advancement and things seemed pretty positive. Of course corporate realities appeared and the light in my tunnel quickly became a train. I was working as a toolmaker, also helping out in engineering as a draftsman and heading up some small projects along. One day the company decides they're going to outsource toolmaking and poof my job was no more. In addition to not having my job I was placed back in production at considerably less pay. Well hell I was strained finanacially already (from having an overtime addiction and sudedenly getting it taken) so this wasn't exactly what I needed to hear. I made several attempts to make ends meet but bleak was the best outlook I could muster. So I finally made the decision to declare a bankruptcy. I can't tell you the embarrassment and guilt I felt for months about having to do it but I didn't see anything else that would even come close to working out. I find myself constantly resentful at work and the company seems so stoic to any questions I have about how things were done. Now I have a job I hate and no hope of changing things because they've had some policy changes of late that keep me from even bidding on a better job. 28 years devoted to one career and I'm right back where I was 15 years ago. I know outsourcing is the way things are going but to just jam me into a whatever job didn't show much respect for me or my contributions. A small company that we dealt with during some of my projects has offered me a position at the same pay I was accustomed to but the problem with that is insurance. They have some but it's cost is really high for the coverage they offer. With two kids to worry about I can hardly see going without coverage and take a chance of another financial crisis. So... here I am again wondering which way to turn. I'm sure the answer will appear to me soon but at the moment it's not a clear path. If I can deal with the insurance thing in some way I will have a new job and probably finish my schooling. It's just been a tough pill to swallow at my age.
So, have I ever had to rethink things... yep and rethink and rethink. Objectively? Hell I'm having to settle for semi-objectively but I'm attempting to take my time and get it right.
Outcome? Well... time will tell. I have a place to stay, thanks to Dear Ole Dad and inheritance.
Advice? Well Darlin' you're smart enough to weigh out your heart and mind I think. Certainly there are more positive places for sound input but I'd say, happiness is far more important that $$$ in the long run.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

well, my own re-evaluation became a necessary thing and not so much a decision.....sometimes the choices are many and sometimes few.....and sometimes you have to settle just because some of em are just plain beyond your means.....hell, i'd love to make the world a purdier place like that segment talked about but i can't go about it that way....so i have to make the little pieces i am able to touch a lil brighter.....and for me that makes more sense....big ol' "save the world projects" just ain't what i'm good at..... and if i can make one person's day better....then waking up wasn't a waste of time.....guess what i'm trying to say is do what's right and what's within your means....it's your conscience that you have to live with.....