On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Did you know that the Oval Office since the Lewinsky affair is called Oral Office?

__________________
If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

yes but did she inhale

A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother bake
biscuits in the kitchen.

"Mom?" she asks. "How do you keep Dad so happy after all these years
of marriage?"

The mother promptly throws a wad of biscuit dough on the floor, hikes
up her dress, and squats down, picking the dough up with her privates.

"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your man
will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother.
So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night.

While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she emerged
wearing a sexy negligee, carrying a can of biscuit dough. She opened
the can, threw the dough on the floor, lifted her negligee, and
squatted over the dough, letting out a thunderous fart as she did so.
Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed away.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.

He replied, "Shit woman!" as he stepped further away. "If that thing
barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't want to throw any
meat at it!"

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" Benjamin Franklin
*******************
My Stories:
Dream Date
Just Desserts
Internet Lovers Meet - Part 1
Internet Lovers Meet - Part 2
Internet Lovers Meet - Part 3
RAVISHED!!
My Birthday - A Fantasy

'SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.'

'I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.'

Callers found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight-week-old black Labrador!

__________________
Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

During a wild party at a Long Island country house, the beautiful blond, Ivonne, had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air. Getting to a grassy field, she lay down to watch the stars. Ivonne was almost asleep when a cow, searching for clover, was carefully stepping over her.
Groggily, she raised her head and said, "One at a time, boys... One at a time."

__________________
Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut smoking the ceremonial pipe and eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.
"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress and all his problems."
The chief nodded.
The official continued, "Considering recent events, in your opinion where has the white man gone wrong?"
The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied:
"When white man found this land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time."
The chief smiled and added quietly, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

__________________
Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

A four-year-old Bobby wanders up and down the aisles of a supermarket crying his eyes out.
"What's the matter young fella?" asks a concerned shop assistant.
"I've lost my mummy!" wails Bob, sobbing convulsively.
"Don't worry, we'll soon find her," soothes the shop assistant. "Now what's mummy like?"
"Vodka and men with big cocks," sobs little Bobby.

__________________
Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

__________________
I want to know everything
I want to be everywhere
I want to fuck everyone in the world
I want to do something that matters

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly.
The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him.

Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is.... fluctuation."

The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's sucks! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging asshole you are!"

Blind Bunny, Meet Blind Snake

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"

Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"

And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."

Little Johnny at School
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, when his teacher held up a bag, and asked the class to guess what was inside.
"Here's a hint," she said. "It's a fruit, and it's crunchy and red."

Johnny's hand shot up. "It's an apple!" he declared.

"Good job, Johnny. I like the way you think."

"Thank you, teacher. Now I have a question for you. There's something in my pocket that's hard and round, with a head on one end. What is it?"

"That's it, Johnny," yelled the teacher. "Go to the office."

"It's a quarter, teacher. But I like the way you think."

Little Red Riding Hood was packing her things. Her mother asked, "Where are you going, Lil' Red?"
Red said, "To grandma's."

Her mother said, "Okay, but watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. He'll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and freak your little red socks off."

Lil' Red replied, "Don't worry, I've got a gun."

So about a mile down the road, Lil' Red met the Three Little Pigs. They asked where she was going and she said, "Grandma's house."

The Pigs warned, "Watch out for the Big Bad Wolf. He'll pull up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and freak your little red socks off!"

She told them, "Don't worry, I've got a gun."

About two more miles down the road, the Big Bad Wolf leapt out of the forest and grabbed Lil' Red. He shouted "Ha! I finally caught you!"

And she cried, "Don't tell me you're gonna pull up my little red dress, pull down my little red panties and freak my little red socks off."

"Yes I am," said the Wolf, drooling.

"No, you ain't," said Little Red.

"What do you mean," said the Wolf, taken aback.

Lil' Red pulled up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, pulled out her big silver gun and said, "Nope, you're gonna eat me like it says in the book."

One day there were four people absent from class. The next day one of the boys came back to school, and the teacher asked where were you. And then he replied on top of Beverly Hills. The teacher said okay. Then the next day, another boy came in and the teacher asked where were you? He replied on top of Beverly Hills. The teacher said okay. The next day the third boy came in and said where were you and he replied on top of Beverly Hills. And next the third person which was a girl came in and the teacher asked where were you. And before the girl could say anything the teacher said let me guess on top of Beverly Hills. And the girl said no I am Beverly Hills.

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench gorging himself with candy bars. An elderly man sat next to him and chided Johnny for being such a glutton: "Son, eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, make you fat, and give you acne".
Little Johnny replied "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old".
The elderly man asked him "Did your grandfather continually eat candy bars?"
"No" Little Johnny replied, "He minded his own fucking business!"