Mine isn't really embarassing more discusting...

There was one time this guy and I were in the middle of a the guy was on top. All of a suddern he stopped what he was doing and said " Oh NO!! " I thought to myself oh my what happend then he farted and sprayed all over my face...

Not pleasent

Oh wow. He would never be allowed to see me again. lol

Well.......... um, not sure ............um... WOW!!!

That's definitely one you'd remember.

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

Choc sprinkles anyone!!!!!

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

First time I was in a threesome...the ladies and I were drunk and laughing as they played with my cock. I was lying on my back and they'd prop it upright, let go, and watch it slap my tummy.

An x and I were having sex she was on top and a little dry at the time. Everything was fine for about 5 minutes when i felt something tear....

Sitting in the ER I now have to tell the triage nurse what i was doing, where I am hurt, and how it happened. Getting past that I finally see a doctor, and he said to me "So you popped a boner." Luckily there were no stiches, just a week of ointment and no sex.

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Preventing the Stupid People from Reproducing!
Saving the World 24/7!

Take your pick.

I was in a "cultural exchange" group way up in the Jamaican highlands when I was in my teens. I met a girl and we started hangin out, playin stinky finga and stuff. Lots of fun and exciting cause we were both young, horny and she was black and I'm white so the contrast was really remarkable at night.

We snuck off one night and ended up on this big flat rock where we did EVERYTHING but actual intercourse. We were rolling around, at one point my head was hanging off the rock and she was doing stuff where I was raising my hips and thrashing around.

She came and that was cool. When I came I grabbed some leaves in the dark. They turned out to be cow-itch - a sort of Jamaican equivalent of poison ivy. Worse. Tiny little nettles stuck in ma dick and after 5 minutes it felt like I'd dipped Augustus in a vat of HEAT.
The effcet wore off after awhile.

We went for a walk the next aft and ended up going down the same path we did the night before (in the dark) and finding the flat rock. It was flat and it stuck out over the valley. There was a straight drop off of what remember thinking must be about 50,000FEET. The farmers at the bottom looked like ANTS and I remember thinking what would have happened if we'd rolled off the rock that night. It looked so high I don't think we'da hit ground until I was 25 !!

I have nothing to add to this thread, but since it has twice had me in tears of laughter, I thought it deserved a

After.

We both looked around, sitting in my car, and realized we were parked in the parking lot of a police station.

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"Old age and Treachery will overcome Youth and Enthusiasm...Everytime!"

On three different occasions with 3 different gf's; 1st one,
We were in gf's home in the laundry getting a spin cycle assist as she sat atop the washer. My penis slipped out and dropped between the w/d units at that moment her mother came into the room. Gf & I both thought we'd locked the door. Apparently, it wasn't locked secure. My cock, while lodged twixt w/d units got pinched as gf slid sideways across to dryer in the same instant her dear mother looked in. I yelped! Her mom, seeing our working parts all wet, stood momentarily noted that our playtime activity was interrupted "...caught in the middle..." then glanced away and back to us, said, "Don't forget to fold the clothed after the dry is finished, and don't get your stuff (love juices) all over the clean clothes."
I was mortified at the prospect of the wrath that would inevitably come down our way when we made our reappearance to the house. Instead, her mom sent her to the grocery, knowing I'd be in tow, for some smokes, eggs, milk and bread.
It was a one way walk for me. The next afternoon we met. Her mom never said a word to her nor has she mentioned in the years since that I know of. The whole episode seemed like an eternity as time went so slowly for me in those days. I was 18, gf was 17, I was terrified, she was smartly more mature than me. I had good wood. She liked it in the pile driver position best.
More on number two later!

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I like; a) taint brushing: b) a good cigar: c) our juices together; d) champagne: e) protein squirts; f)more of these; g)much more of these; h) Damn, slide that thing into me. Deep!
Adage: 2 things are certain in life; Death & Taxes. Therefore; God & Beelzebub had a meeting to fix the problem. A mighty storm prevailed for ages until finally they ended the storm with the agreement: From now on Anyone whom chooses doesn't have to die. "Everyone wins said Beelzebub. You get an eternally grateful bunch of worshippers praying forever for lower taxes as I goad & prod them forever with higher & higher taxation."

I have a classic story. Me and my ex were about to do the nasty and I had my condom out ready to rip the wrapper off and what do I hear?.... a knock at the door. It's her half-brother at the door. Yay!

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Slave To The Metal!

The funny part about it is..she wasn't supposed to have anyone at the house..and I had to hide..in a few different places. Thankfully I didn't get caught. Needless to say, he ruined our plans..

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Slave To The Metal!

I had my then-girlfriend's yellow-naped parrot call out, "Yes!! Yes!! God, Yes!!" during sex.

Several years ago the wife and I had the day off so about 2:30pm we hit the bedroom things are going hot and heavy almost to the point of OH yes!!! Bang,Bang Bang on the bedroom door.Oldest daughter yells WE know what your doing! Instant limp

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The mind never forgets what the hands have learned