Hey everyone... I know it has been a long time since I posted... But I just had an amazing date and I have to ask my fellow pixies some questions, cause of course I am questioning everything that has just taken place in the last 24 hours.

I met a guy in a yahoo chat room two nights ago, and I threw caution into the wind and decided to meet him today. Totally not what I expected when I saw him in person, he was 110% better. I reached out my hand he shook it, sliding his cheek along mine, one of my favorite little boy tricks. He then took me to his "thinking spot" which is a rock quarry that isn't far from where he lives.

While walking around I saw some of the prettiest scenery, a beautiful lake looking thing and really cool rock formations. There was a lot of walking semi hiking involved and at many points I was unsure where to place my feet esp because I am scared of hieghts. When the boy finally kissed me, two hours into the walk, he made me weak in the knees. He treated me so respectful, taking my hand if he thought I was unsteady... and just the manor in which he talked to me. He even gave me his coat when I was cold.

After about four hours at the quarry we headed back to my car. While sitting there I only had one thought on my mind, I wanted him to take me home, watch a movie and sleep since we both hadn't slept from the day before. I told him what I thought. He sat quietly in the front seat of my car for about 15 mins and then told me, "I have to go home."

So I drove him to his car, and we listened to some music and then he asked me for a kiss before he left, me playing hard to get told him no. He debated with me for a few minutes and then I gave into him and kissed him one last time, hoping he would change his mind and ask me to follow him home... didn't happen. So I got out of my car and while he was loading up his, I stood at his driver door waiting for him to come to get in. I took his head in my hands and gave him one more slow soft gentle kiss, I didn't want to let him go... Then he got in his car and drove away.

I have been left sitting here thinking about him ever since. I am never so relaxed about meeting people, and I never admit to myself very quickly that I like someone, but he is different. I like him a lot... I am all about this kid. I am stuck sitting here wondering if he likes me just as much, and I honestly don't know the answer. I wanted him to take me home so badly and he refused. I know that starting a relationship off sexually is a very bad idea if you want a "true" lasting one, but I have never had a fire burn so deep inside. It reminds me a lot of how I felt about James (my first). I think about the way he touched me and the kisses he gave, and shivers run rampid on my spine and his colonge is stuck somewhere deep in my nose, I can't stop smelling him, which makes me desire him worse...

I am not really sure how I am going to supress these ideas in my head, he isn't a guy that sleeps around, and he is what I truely want and desire. I am so scared when he finds out what kind of girl I am (I havn't told him that I am sexual at all, he doesn't know I write stories or am a member of a sex forum), he isn't going to like me... I really don't know what to do or even how to tell him with out it sounding like I want to sleep with him (which I do). I don't want him to think I only want to use him for sex, I want so much more... How do I present this side of me without being too forward?

__________________
~Kaelynn~

Some days life can be shitty , some days life can be outstanding ;
Sometimes you find love , sometimes you find fun ;

Just remember through all these changes you are you, special and unique...

Just a reminder to those who are like me and need it...