First let me say I've enjoyed being a member of Pixies for a couple years. I don't post much, just read mostly. This is a great community and I would very much appreciate honest feedback from you all regarding my "situation."

Lately I've found myself in a tough spot. i'm your average mid-30s guy, married, decent job, no kids. Been married 9 years, good sex life, etc....by all accounts a pretty good life. I love my wife...but there has always been something missing....we're kind of like roommates that have sex, and do projects really well together...but beyond that we really don't have much in common.

Let me just come out and say it bluntly; I'm in love with another woman. We've worked together for over 4 years, but from day one I knew it. She is everything I always imagined my true mate would be. We have never had anything remotely physical...just plain old-fashioned friendship. We spend a lot of time together outside work...doing freelance work, computer stuff or just hangin out. I am physically attracted to her....but its so much more than that. We are each other's best friends...no doubt about it. She has been married for 13 years, no kids, and aside from the typical "bumps" is probably pretty happy.

Recently we worked REALLY late, combined with many beers each and some "honesty" came out...mostly from me, but some from her as well. I think she feels the same about me as I do about her, but I'm not 100% sure. And all the extenuating circumstances that come from being married as long as we have....it's exciting but very scary at the same time.

So....my question to all of you: What the hell do I do? My friendship with this woman is very important to me and I don't want to risk ruining it by pushing too hard. On the other hand...it is driving me crazy to spend so much time with her and yet still go home to other people.

My advice would be to take a closer look at what you have a home. 9 years and a good sex life hardly seems like anything you'd want to toss away. New love always seems perfect... one wrong move and you'll have neither of them. Proceed at your own risk and try to use the big head to think with. Good Luck.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Wow hun! What a dilemma!

The real question here is...What do you WANT to do?

Do you want to have an affair? Or, separate first and get together with this other woman?

As Bear said, you are risking both relationships with one wrong move and the trouble is, you won't know till it's done. Is the risk worth it?

I've gotta say that I think you need professional advice and your marriage might need professional help as well. A talk with your wife about what is happening in your head couldn't hurt. What I mean is...ask her if she's happy with the current circumstances and if there is anything she'd change if she could. If you can't bring yourself to do it...seach your soul as to why. Is it because you don't want to make the marriage good again? Is it because if you did make the marriage good again you'd lose this feeling with the other woman?

In all honesty hun, this isn't something [we] can help you with. You are the only one with the answer. I understand why you asked...but I also think you already know what you want and just needed validation. I could never pretend to know what is right and what is wrong for YOU! Only YOU can possibly know that!

Best of luck! TY for trusting us with your feelings, but I'm afraid I can't be of any help at all!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

I agree with both of the posts above, but sweetie....You better make sure this woman feels the same way and would leave/put aside her life for you, also.

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It's a BOY!!

Lixy, Bear, Cherry -- Thank you so much for your honest words.

Sometimes the right people find each other at the wrong times. Who's to say what things would be like if you two were able to be together? But right now, that can't happen without major changes to a lot of lives.

The first step should be to figure out if that's something you want to do. Lixy asked "What do you WANT to do?". Do you want to end your marriage? Do you want to have an affair? Do you want to end the intimacy you share with your coworker and try to find the intimacy and deeper connection your marriage is missing?

Then figure out what she wants to do. Would she leave her husband and children for you? Would she want an affair?

We can't give you answers but we're pretty good at asking questions, huh? I think you'll find that once you start answering the questions, your path will be a lot clearer.