Ok Pixies... I need all of you... those of you who have talked to me know I am a very easy going person. Recently I have had some friends in my "real" life make some comments that have really hurt my feelings. I am a very sexual person and I love sex and everything about it. What I can't stand are girls that feel they are "better" than me because they are virgins.

This is what I don't understand... Why do women who enjoy sex get pegged as whores by other women, and to men the girl who is ok to fuck, but not take home to mother?

I am a very real person I try to be myself and act the same around everyone I know. I mean of course I am more respectful to adults and kick back and chill with my friends, but my ideals do not change, I am the same person. If someone asks me about my personal life I do not lie, I am not ashamed of who I am. I just can't stand that someone will sit and judge me, pretend to know my motives and then tell me how I am going to end up by myself.

I might be over reacting to their comments as this has been a stressful time for me and I haven't gotten much sleep with work, but right now I am feeling very sad and alone. I honestly don't think I should have to change or lie about who I am to avoid others who judge me. I really shouldn't care about how they feel or what they think of me... but I can't help it, it's who I am.

Thanks for listening... I feel a bit better already...

__________________
~Kaelynn~

Some days life can be shitty , some days life can be outstanding ;
Sometimes you find love , sometimes you find fun ;

Just remember through all these changes you are you, special and unique...

Just a reminder to those who are like me and need it...

Sweetheart, i'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you. But you sound hurt and I hope you get to feeling better soon.

For therapy? Go download a copy of Christina Aguleria's "Can't Hold Us Down" and play it over and over as loud as you can. Dance around your living room. (If anyone comes in, pretend you are cleaning). You will feel much better.

Kaelynn,

The answer to this is a complex web of social expectation and jealousy.

Society expects that single girls must remain as pretty yet sexless as Barbie to maintain the

marriage market value of the blushing bride. The word dowry comes to mind, as well as the social value

of having a pure, god-fearing vessel to extend the blood-line.

This attitude does not take into account that these same pure as the driven snow girls

will tease a man to within inches of his sanity, then send him away to slake the stoked

fire on lesser girls.

The jealousy part is that you are doing things that they dare not do for fear of risking their

status as good girls. The only way they can deal with that is to try and lessen you as

a person and as a sexual being.

If you let them do this to you, then that is truly your loss.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Don't let what they say get to you, be your self, life is to short not to be.I feel the same about sex as you do, but I am a man so I don't get that kind of talk, partly because I don't have many friends as we don't go out much.

((((((((((((Kaelynn)))))))))))))

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"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
E. E. Cummings

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Kaelynn,

All societies I know of are repressive in one way or another. Regrettably, repression of sexuality remains a common feature. As Cobalt recommended, try not to let “them” get you down, life is indeed too short. I hope you get past this soon! Good Luck.

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Eudaimonia

Kaelynn, you know who you are & what you are, & their opinions are like assholes...everybody's got one...if it starts to get you down, remember that you're getting something they want...& jealousy can make even the nicest people say mean things...

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

There's the good old double standard that makes me nuts- if a guy sleeps with several girls, he gets pats on the back and is a "stud". If a girl sleeps with a few guys, she's a "slut". Who the hell do "they" think the guys are sleeping with, anyway? One of the things I like about Pixie's is that this double standard isn't alive and well here.

Don't let the assholes get you down. Hold your head up and be true and proud of yourself. Anyone worth having as a friend will NOT judge you. Let the rest go screw themselves.

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Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

First thought I would like to express is that while it may be a YOUNG adult, you ARE an adult. Your one statement above, says volumes about the quality of what kind of adult. Just being here at Pixies shows to me, that you are an open and honest adult, with others AND yourself, in a way that many people never reach at any age.

I have NEVR been able to do anything but humbly bow to the wise words of my icon, OldFart ………………….. until now.
…. then send him away to slake the stoked fire on lesser girls. …
The only “lesser” sexual quality a woman can have is that of hypocrisy and denial.

The deepest shocker is that I’m in total agreement with jseal :grin:
"All societies I know of are repressive in one way or another. Regrettably, repression of sexuality remains a common feature…………"

The merit of FluteLady’s words are great.
“…..Anyone worth having as a friend will NOT judge you. Let the rest go screw themselves.”
That’s is what they are doing …………. In both ways.

I AM qualified to say that we ALL will someday reflect, with equal glee and regret, on both the sexual adventures we did and didn’t experience and enjoy.

The only emotion you need extend to your judging “friends”, is sympathy.






Now slide up your skirt and call me.

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YOU are master of your body and sexual ethics, and need not let anyone else dictate them to you. I have a much more open attitude about sex and sexual norms than about 90% of my peers.....but I've also learned that discretion is sometimes the better part of valour. If you don't want to be criticized, simply say NOTHING about your actions or beliefs. The less said, the better IMHO ~~ I don't view this as lying or not "being yourself".....merely as protecting your own interests.

my 2c

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

^^^^^^That woman is so smart !

My first thought when I read your post and not any of the replies was that you should "refrain from mentioning" certain things that, sorry to say, are judged and utilized by others to put you down and make you feel unworthy. I also don't view not mentioning as lying - just filtering the honesty...

Now, on the other had, if these people are talking about their own perceptions of your activities without you telling them, that is another story. That is beyond your control and thus should be dismissed by you and not allowed to eat at you and make you feel bad. When others do that sort of thing, they are 1) trying to make themselves look better to whomever they are talking to. 2) are jealous of your freedom and want to lock you down based on their own restrictions of what they perceive are society's expectations of the behavior of women. How repressed they are!

It is really sad that society accepts violence, blood, and gore but still seeks to restrain anything to do with sex. Unfortunately you are at the age where the majority of your peers aren't as accepting of themselves and tend to judge others based on an ideal of what they "think" is right for all and not an individual.

To broaden that view - there are many Pixies who cannot show their face here for fear of retribution - losing their jobs, or being judged in their community. You aren't alone with this at all - what we do is "Refrain from Mentioning"..

(((HUGS)))

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

The thought did cross my mind a few times that she might consider not mentioning certain things, but she was clear about not wanting to have to be different things to different people, but rather to be her true self all the time.

I agree that somethings are best left unsaid, but I also understand where she's coming from. Maybe there's some kind of middle ground she can find...? Either way, I believe in "if they don't like me the way I am, screw them".

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Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN


It's no trick loving somebody at their best. Love is loving them at their worst.
~Tom Stoppard~


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
~George Burns~


As bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
~A. DiFranco~

True friends do not judge. They accept you for who you are. It is much easier as you get older to let what other people think and say go in one ear and out the other. Now is a good time to start.....

I agree with most everything our pixies members have said here ... what I have to add is something I learned relatively late in my life (so far) that I don't have a right to control what someone else thinks, even when it's about me ... it's no fun knowing that people are judging you, but they still have the right to do so .... and I'm not sure that I'm completely in agreement that friends don't judge you ... they may very well do so, they just love you in spite of whatever it is. I guess that's my :cents:

PantyFanatic, I am shocked.

My use of the term lesser girls was part of their thoughts.

I was being sardonic, nay ironic.

There is nothing lesser about girls who actively explore their lives, sexually, emotionally,

physically, scholastically, religiously, and cerebrally.

Isn't irony ironic.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Thank all of you for all your advice.

Just to clear something up, I don't openly discuss everything I am into or my personal life in general, only if I am asked point blank, even then my answers can usually be taken two ways, so it isn't like I brag or tell everyone I come in contact with, I do refrain from saying a lot.

The problem is this girl that is doing this to me has been my friend for three years now, and she asks me point blank, I can't lie to her. She even presses me for specific details about things. She sees what I do as wrong and recently has been really obsessed about changing me. I don't feel I have to change, she just has to be more accepting of me. I love this girl to death, we have been through a lot together, and she is too important to shut out.

At the same time, she hurts me... a lot. I just don't know what to do about it.

__________________
~Kaelynn~

Some days life can be shitty , some days life can be outstanding ;
Sometimes you find love , sometimes you find fun ;

Just remember through all these changes you are you, special and unique...

Just a reminder to those who are like me and need it...