06-03-2003, 10:27 PM
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<----Snappin' Pussy
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 106,936
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Advice to a young priest
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couples confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, "I see, yes, go on, and I understand. How did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No way! What happened next?'
__________________
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth.
*~Sharni~*
If you go hunting tigers....be prepared when ya catch one!
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06-03-2003, 11:14 PM
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Banned
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: T.O.
Posts: 20,828
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LOL I'm so nosy . . . I never thought about how fun it would be to hear confession!  |
06-04-2003, 07:00 AM
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Bastard of Member
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Illinois
Posts: 6,029
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Forgive me father for I have rimmed 
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Love...the slowest form of suicide.
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06-04-2003, 07:48 AM
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♦*♥Moderatrix♥*♦
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: on top of it all
Posts: 50,565
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skipthis one please come to the dungeon for atonement  |
06-04-2003, 08:26 AM
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Bastard of Member
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Illinois
Posts: 6,029
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Hell Mary full of grace, someone lick this cum off my face.
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Love...the slowest form of suicide.
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06-04-2003, 09:44 AM
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Southern Belle
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: The South
Posts: 3,731
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You people crack me up |
06-04-2003, 10:06 AM
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♦*♥Moderatrix♥*♦
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: on top of it all
Posts: 50,565
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I need annointing
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06-05-2003, 01:43 PM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: North Australia
Posts: 17,686
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Was that the same priest rebuked for referring to the Trinity
as Daddio, Laddio and the Spook?
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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating
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06-05-2003, 05:41 PM
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Member of weird club
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Anywhere where home is
Posts: 16,709
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Stay away from the young boys.
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I have great abs, some men have six packs I have a keg!
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06-05-2003, 06:13 PM
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here and there
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Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Western NY
Posts: 3,601
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This one reminds me of an old joke... had to dig through the e-mail to find it...
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
__________________
-Toast-
"It takes a lot of brains to enjoy satire, humor and wit - but none to be offended by them." -- Johnny Hart ("BC", cartoonist, 2000)
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it and the frog generally dies as a result." -- E. B. White
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