Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE - He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

__________________
FussyPucker

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

Sarcasm: It's not big and it's not clever...........but it's funny as fuck!

The Special One!

Remember...

Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy.
Dumb man + smart woman = affair.
Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage.

Smart boss + smart employee = profit.
Smart boss + dumb employee = production.
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion.
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot & love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
A married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man hoping & expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman hoping & expecting that she won't change and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.

"A man is incomplete until he is married, then he is finished."

__________________
FussyPucker

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

Sarcasm: It's not big and it's not clever...........but it's funny as fuck!

The Special One!

Men Are Like A Fine Wine.
They Start Out As Grapes. It's Our Job To Stomp Them,
And Then Keep Them In The Dark Until They Mature, And Hopefully
They'll Turn Out To Be Something We Would Like To Have Dinner With.

Men-Tal Anxiety...Men-Opause...Men-Tal Breakdown.
Ever Notice That All Women's Problems Start With Men?

Q: What's The Best Way To Kill A Man?
A: Put A Naked Blonde And A Six-Pack In Front Of Him. Then Tell Him To Pick Only One.

Q. What Do Men And Pantyhose Have In Common?
A: They Either Cling, Run Or Don't Fit Right In The Crotch!

Q: Why Do Men Whistle When They're Sitting On The Toilet?
A: Because It Helps Them Remember Which End They Need To Wipe.

Q: What Is The Difference Between Men And Women...
A: A Woman Wants One Man To Satisfy Her Every Need A Man Wants Every Woman To Satisfy His One Need.

Q: How Does A Man Keep His Youth?
A: By Giving Her Money And Diamonds.

Q: How Do You Keep Your Husband From Reading Your E-Mail?
A: Rename The Mail Folder "Instruction Manual"

__________________
FussyPucker

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

Sarcasm: It's not big and it's not clever...........but it's funny as fuck!

The Special One!

LOL Thanks for all the jokes!

Just a small selection from my website hehehe

__________________
FussyPucker

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

Sarcasm: It's not big and it's not clever...........but it's funny as fuck!

The Special One!