Your wand is a dipstick.

Your robe has decals.

Your Phantom Steed is sponsored.

Your Phantom Steed has a hemi.

The material components for your Fireballs consist of charcoal briquets and lighter fluid.

You light your barbecue using a Fireball.

Casting a Lightning Bolt involves rubbing a possum the wrong way.

Your familiar is a coonhound.

You trim your nails with an athame.

You have a spit cup in your pentagram.

Your yard is full of the rusting hulks of old flying carpets.

Your tower has wheels.

Your wagon has a wand rack behind the driver.

You've been working for years to get the right feats to craft that Decanter of Endless Michelob.

Your Charm spell only works on your 1st cousins.

Your constantly feuding' with that dang-blasted McCoy wizard clan over in the next holler.

Your familiar runs away when you get that special look in your eye.

Your potions come in a six-pack.

Your wand has a backscratcher on the end of it.

Your crystal ball comes with aluminum-foil wrapped antennae.

Your Mending spell uses JB Weld as a component.

Your Web spell produces 900 cubic feet of duct tape.

You lightning bolt any bard who won't play country-western music.

You won't go dungeon crawling during NASCAR season.

The only mystical sigil you need on the front of your robe is the face of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Mordenkainen's Faithful Hound sleeps under the porch.

Your spellbook is a Bathroom Reader.

Your wand, robe, carpet, or bag of holding is patched with duct tape.

Your idea of a fun wizardly weekend is watching carpets fly around in a circle.

You have a shot glass collection from the Outer Planes.

__________________
Put me on wheels and I'll turn tricks.

Clever? Nah, I ran out of that years ago. But if you find this, let me know, k?
"The road goes ever on..." ~ Tolkien

In memory of my friend skip...
Go then, there are other worlds than these