phelan - she isn't a light weight, in fact she keeps up with me just fine :-) We've had other conversations that didn't involve beer and all signs point to the same place.

WI - Thank you for pointing out the intimacy issues with my marriage. In the last 9 years my wife and I have discussed this several times, but it remains unchanged. I fear that we just don't have that kind of connection. Question is, is it possible to get it? I can't ask her to act ways she doesn't feel like acting. I don't know if she's ever had an ntimate relationship with anyone, so to expect her to understand what's missing is difficult. As for myself, I have had one other relationship (prior to marriage) that was 100% intimate. It felt awesome! And the sex....still the best I've ever had. I often wish I would have made more of an effort to recover that relationship when it got difficult.

As for what I want? Not an affair for sure. Not that it wouldn't be fun :-) I'm afraid its the whole enchalada. But how do I go about finding out what she wants? Or, should I just play it safe and back away? As Bear pointed out...I certainly don't want to lose both. Anyone believe in "if it's supposed to be, it'll just work out?"