The odd thing is, when I get to work I am usually not depressed. There are reasons for that.
Its when I get home the depression begins.
Anything can touch me off...something I read, a post, someone joking with me on the phone. In my mind I'm very quick to come to conclusions...this does not help anything. Even today, I got home, was doing ok, read something and it hit me in the face, and now all I want to do is find a place to hide or cry.
Of course when I find my conclusions are false, I get to blame myself....and that doesn't make things any better. :/
It all leads to bad bad thoughts. I've been told maybe I shoudl see a shrink. I've thought this too myself even. I've yet to do so, i think becuase I'm scared. I guess im less scared of what i might do to myself, than what they might confirm.
Heres a question. How do you get over wanting something so bad, when you knwo it can't happen or you can't get it? When its the thing that changes you forever inside in a good way...yet will always be unattainable?
When that thing will always in your own mind give you a glimmer of hope that you could still reach it, even if told striaght out that you never will, but yet you can't accept it?