Walk a neighbourhood (not your own) with your walkabout phone. When your phone rings, because by chance you share a frequency, answer it and argue with the person on the other end, unless it is a Morman or salesperson, in which case you immediately accept all offers.

You hang up and immediately ring MommyMaggie, asking for all things IKEA related because you're not paying the bill.

Did I mention that retirement's fun?

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating