Advice for the soon to be divorced
 

I am getting a divorce and I am having a tough go at it. I realize that it is not supposed to be easy! Let me give you some history:We were together for nine years, married for four, well she left 2 days before our fourth anniversary. She informed me that she had been having an affair from August until March. I had no idea. I know most don't. I worshipped the ground she walked on, I even took out a loan so she could get breast augmentation. I do not know what I did wrong. She has been hanging out with women who are from broken relationships and are about her age. I have been trying to work this out with her, try to ask her out on a date, go to counseling at my expense all without success. I have been asking her out on "dates" to try to get back together, but something always manages to come up. I desperately want to work this out, I love her soo much I am willing to forgive the affair. Can anyone tell me if I am just stringing myself along because I am blinded by love? All thoughts and opions welcome, and please try not to candy coat things. Thank you to all who reply.

J

Fireguy, I can't say that I have any advise for you but I can offer you hugs and remind you that you have friends here at pixies to help you through the rough spot. And that holds true whether you are able to work it out or not.

*big tight hugs*

Marriage, love, lust, affairs, divorce, all such a mess for all the people I know dealing with it all. Nothing good is easy, even if it's only good for a little while. If she wants out, you can tell her that you want her to stay but if she is gone already (in her heart) then just let her go. I promise that as horrible as the pain might be, you will heal. As awful as it feels today, it will feel better eventually. You deserve to be happy and loved 100%. If she doesn't/can't/won't then no sense in dragging out the inevitable. If you need to talk feel free to contact me.

Hugs.. lots of them...

Remember... you deserve to be loved 100%... you don't deserve to live in the shadows... and you deserve happiness. Don't SETTLE..

I can easily understand your pains man, my own divorce somewhat mirrors yours in many ways. I didn't see it coming, I was in denial there was an affair and I so wanted to "fix" it. If you don't mind let me share some things I learned with you. First, it takes two to fix it. If she's not trying you're just losing ground. Second, don't blame yourself. Once it's broken it really doesn't make a bit of difference anyway. Beating yourself up over it only drags you further into the mire. I ended up seeing a therapist and the one thing I can say helped me get a grip was his ever present question: "If you knew why would it make any difference?" I swear I tried to analyze it to death and then all of a sudden I knew I had to get a grip and move ahead. My best wishes to you, if you ever need an ear... look me up. You can get through this, it's not the end of the world and believe it or not... better times are just ahead if you let them be.