Advice needed about an ex GF

[Bardog]

I need advice especially from you ladies. I find myself in a funny situation with an old girl friend that I don't quite understand. She and I dated for a couple of years befor I met me wife. When we split up it wasn't exactly nice. She was a very jelous person and I couldn't take that anymore. I had my faults also but was always faithful to her. My wife and I have been married for over 13 years now and I haven't seen or heard from my ex untill recently.She is married also with 3 kids. Last Dec. she shows up at my mothers funeral. This was the first time I had seen her in 10+ years. At the time I gave it no real thought untill a couple of months (Feb?) later she sent me a "Thinking of you / hope you are well"card in the mail which I dismissed as just being friendly and thoughtful considering she knew how close I was to my mother. My wife was curious about her intentions but wasn't extremely upset about it. Now today she came to my office to see me. She stayed about 20 minutes and just made small talk about our kids, jobs , and life in general. At this point I am wondering what is going on. She lives 60 - 70 miles from me and just shows up out of the blue? Am I being parinoid? I am sure if I tell my wife about this visit it will upset her, which is probably justified in my opinion. So should I? Should I not and just hope no one in my office mentions it to her? Is my ex just being friendly or should I be suspecious (sp?) Thanks for any advice you can give and letting me vent.

[scotzoidman]

Bardog, stepping thru a minefield not of his own making...
I assume you have no intention of letting this thing start up again...so tell the wife what happened, in a way that lets her know that you have no interest in the ex, you don't want her to find out later & wonder why you were covering this up! As for the ex, we can't know her intentions til she lays her cards on the table, but my advice is soon as she does, nip it in bud, & don't let her damage your current relationship!

[Boru]

I agree with Scotz 100%
Tell your wife, the risk of upsetting her is MUCH less if it comes from you, and lord knows, these things always come out sooner or later. Plus it eliminates any chance of residual guilt on your part for not telling her.
I have been in this position, I would say that your safest bet is to assume the gf's intentions are not honorable. Right or wrong, that assumption in the long run is the safest for all. She has been out of your life for 10+ years, her friendship may be nice to have, but is it worth it? What would you gain? What would you feel if it were her, with a boyfriend walking back into her life?
If she makes contact again, say, it's been nice to see you again but you'd rather leave things as they were.

BORU

[Sarriah]

I agree with scotz!!! do NOT lie to her, tell her right away that she showed up there, tell her that you are going to find out what her intentions are and get rid of her, make sure you tell your wife how much you love her and that by you telling her this should show her that you have no intentions of letting this other girl back into your lives. If you dont tell her and she finds out she will not take it well at all... BE carefull its a sticky situation.. GL
Sar

[Lovediva]

I aslo agree with everyone else. Honesty is the best policy!!!
tell your wife everything that has been going on and that you aren't interested in the X at all...(or are you wishing that something might happen? You never did say... ;))

Comminucation and honesty is something so many people lack in their relationships.

So before your wife hears it from an aquaintance that we was at your office...tell her even if it will upset her. But she will respect you, love you more for being honest!

[love_2licku]

Trust me...finding out about it herself will piss her off more than being straight up about it. Move into the conversation gently and reassure her that you have no interest, but you feel like you need to let her in on whats going on. By doing that, she should gain even more trust than she has. As for the X, if she comes around again, just tell her to bugger off nicely but be firm. If you truely have no intentions of liking her that way, its the only way. Seems like a friendship will only put her closer to you like she wants. I think she just dont want you to be happy with someone else but its kinda late for that 10 yrs later, ya know? Best of luck bro.

[Irish]

BarDog---Put yourself in her place!If the situations were reversed;
wouldn't you want her to tell you?If you heard it from someone
else;you might have unfounded doubts.As phoney as it seems;
honesty is usually the best policy! Irish

[Oldfart]

Bardog,

I'll differ from some of the others, but only in technique.

It would be safer for you to stick your dick in a blender than to

take up with this ex-GF.

Don't tell your wife, actively seek her help and watch her do her

thing.

Does your cred wonders too.