Meeting people

[Belial]

Please don't laugh, I am really truly clueless at this :(

If I see someone I'd like to meet in another part of a room, should I try and think of a pretext for moving there? Or should I just go right up to them and talk to them? How do I start a conversation from here that isn't awkward and pointless? Is this whole approach totally wrong? How do I keep from getting petrified in these situations?

[Lilith]

If you can't comment on something they have on, are standing near, noticing etc. then I say just walk up and introduce yourself. It is normal to be nervous, it's just not ok to let the fear keep you from doing things/meeting people/getting involved. And no conversation you would begin is pointless, the point is predetermined, it's simply to speak with them.

[Cheyanne]

Walk over with no pretense...if that person is speaking with someone else be polite and wait until there is a lag in the conversation and introduce yourself to that person and to the others. "Hi, I am __________." If that person isn't speaking with anyone, just say "I think this is an interesting place to be" or a topic that would be appropriate for why you and that other person may be in the room. Just an opening, nothing serious. Then the conversation can move on from there.

Personally, I don't have a problem talking to anyone, and I don't mind when someone I don't know walks over and introduces him/herself. Make a connection and go from there! Good Luck!

[skyler_m]

gotta go with the ladies on this one. and never NEVER say "pardon me. can I wear your ass as a hat?"

[Lilith]

gotta go with the ladies on this one. and never NEVER say "pardon me. can I wear your ass as a hat?"
Funny when I first met Aqua and he said that, I just got the giggles:grin:

[osuche]

Hmmm...try to find something in common. I spoke to a guy tonight in the parking lot of the grocery store...introduced myself and commented on the fact that we both had Volvos. We had a great little chat. :D

And I lik eit when people talk to me ~ as long as they have a pleasant nonthreatening manner.

[Steph]

Do a Krameresque slide with a smile and compliment her. That'd be memorable! :D

[Vullkan]

Situations vary and just being yourself and use your natural talent for wit. If you still seem to be a bit shy--pratice. Just be friendly and learn to enjoy talking to people. When the time comes to approach a lady, things will be easier.

Once you engage in some small and if you sincerely wnjoy getting to know her, just tell her how much you liked talking to her and ask her if you can call her. It is that simple. The worst is to say she has a b/f or just isn't interested.

Oh--just one suggestion--don't stare at her breasts, look her in the eye--you might just be surprised how much she will enjoy being treated as a lady

[GingerV]

Confidence comes from practice, I'm afraid. And, occasionally, alcohol....but practice generally yields better results.

Definately go over, ANY excuse will do. Have a reason, or just walk right to her. Frankly, seeing someone making a beeline for me across the room CAN be sexy as hell. That he's gotten up the nerve to introduce himself to me is a compliment.

When is more of an artform. There are points in every mixer type party when I'm so bored I want to start peeling the paint off the walls. If you're nervous, that's a really GOOD time to talk to me (and I'm guessing most other people), because I will be more than willing to help jump start a conversation.

As far as conversational topics, sometimes it's best to choose an opener that requires her participation. "That's an interesting lampshade the host is wearing," doesn't necessarily require as much from her as, "What do you think of our host's new headgear." If you follow me. Also, introduce yourself if you don't already know her. It doesn't have to be the first thing you say, although it can be. It's polite, and helps make a connection. It's a great way to show a non-threatening interest.

To add to the list of don'ts....don't use the pick-up line a drunken friend of mine claims to have tried. "Hi, I really hate your jacket. It's cute, and all, but I can't see your ass when you're wearing it." It didn't work, but I'm happy to report she didn't actually break his nose either ;).

[Belial]

Thanks a lot for everyone who has responded so far.

I should clarify that I'm not necessarily talking about parties, either, I'm also talking about situations like on the bus, in the cafeteria, etc.

[cowgirltease]

Honey, A big irresistable smile and eye contact says it better than anything. It tells her you're interested and you can usually tell whether you're invited by her response to that smile.
Good luck!

[Lilith]

On the bus...ask about the next stop
Grocery store...ask if a product is any good
Cafeteria...ask about a dish.....


asking will get you a long way. I'm not saying play dumb but you open a line of communication broadly when you ask a question and it tells that person that before you have even heard them, that what they think matters.

[Steph]

Striking while the iron is hot is good, too. If you're on a street and you make eye contact more than once . . . maybe compliment her on her dog, her shirt, anything!

[WildIrish]

I'm terribly shy and would rather crawl into a hole than talk to a person with the intenion of getting to know them better. (no comments from the peanut gallery, please)

But, I am great at small talk. Especially when just crossing paths with someone. At a party - "What're you drinking, that looks good?" Grocery store - "Someone told me that I should try (insert some food item here) but I don't know how to prepare it. Do you have any suggestions?" On the bus - "Steph, your dog just ate my shoe" oops, I mean "I notice you're not on every day, is there a faster route than this one that I'm missing?"

Like everyone said, it's not what you're talking about that is important...it's initiating a conversation. Sincerity shows. Just be yourself. She'll get to know it eventually anyway, right? Might as well make her first impression of you...well, you. :D

[Steph]

I'm terribly shy and would rather crawl into a hole than talk to a person with the intenion of getting to know them better. (no comments from the peanut gallery, please)



Where is the peanut emoticon? :rant:

Although I'm sure WI considers me part of the peanut gallery, I could never consider him shy.


Sometimes getting to know someone slowly is great, too.


This is not to say I have a crush on WI! I'm just saying that sometimes wonderful facets of a person are discovered after many conversations. :baa:

[Lilith]

Me thinks she doth protest too much :p


LOL he has that affect on everyone.

[WildIrish]

sometimes wonderful facets of a person are discovered after many conversations. :baa:


:confused:

my wonderful facet is a :baa: ? :D


And the peanut I expected to speak up was Steph. lmao

Let's not forget that it's easier to speak online than in person. Face to face interaction is always more, I don't know...decisive? Or maybe confrontational is a better word to use. I mean, when you aren't getting any results over the phone, you meet with someone in person and it usually results in some type of resolution to your situation. If you're trying to merge into a busy lane of traffic and nobody will let you in...make eye contact with someone and odds are, they'll let you in. Face to face interaction makes the situation personal, so it can be a lot more intimidating. That's why it seems contradictory to hear me say that I'm shy. But try meeting me in a social setting. No, I mean PLEASE!!!!! Someone meet me! :drive: :wine: :hug: :d: :D

[Steph]

ROFL nice little emoticon story there, Shy Boy!

[Scarecrow]

Amen WI

[Vurginne]

I'm really glad I read this thread. I too am very shy and have a difficult time approaching people. I don't really go to parties or to bars, so my only socialization with people is in public or at work. I confess that sometimes fear of embarassment paralyzes me. There was this one guy I used to see every day on my morning train, who I thought was very handsome. I thought of different ways of approaching him so I could talk to him. But the more I waited the more the fear developed until I finally gave up. Looking back on it, I wish I would have just tried from the beginning! A single moment of fear is better than days of nervousness and regret. So I'd just say go for it! You've got nothing to lose, but loneliness.