Dilemma

[exhib_it_all]

My uncle just inherited a huge sum of money from his grandparents. Enough cash that even after he's paid taxes on it, he can take $50,000 a month out and the fortune would still grow with the interest he's making on it.

Now, this guy has always been by far my favorite uncle. I honestly never knew there was money in his family, and have always been fairly close to him and of course, my aunt as well. We generally get in touch once or twice a year just to catch up, but now I'm almost afraid to even contact him in fear that he might think that the only reason I'm doing so is because of the money. He also knows that I'm launching a new business and that because of this I'm financially strapped. I don't want anything from him, because I'm too proud to not do it on my own anyway.

I'm sure there are lots of people coming out of the woodwork now that they know he has money, I don't want to be one of them. How do you think you would handle this?

I think this would be one reason I wouldn't want to win the lotto or become filthy rich overnight, because I'd worry about how it would affect my friendships with other people. I'm sure he's dealing with the same problem now, so I kind of feel like I should be there for him, but damn, this is quite the catch-22! Any thoughts?

[paprclphd]

Call to say hello - and don't ask for money! Then you won't look like any of the other money-grabbing people that I am sure he is probably getting plenty of phone calls from already.

[BigBear57]

I'm sure if the closeness is there he should know you well enough to understand where you're coming from. I'd just try to ignore the money thing and carry on as usual. (or as close as possible under the circumstances) If he needs an ear to vent into or discuss things you'll be there.

[PantyFanatic]

…..have always been fairly close to him…..
…We generally get in touch once or twice a year just to catch up…

Keep your schedule and in the same way as in the past. (phone call? Visit? And who made it?)
Keep the conversation on him and not yourself or your new venture. I’m sure he’ll have a lot to fill the conversation if things have changed in his life that much.
This may even give you a chance to see if your view of him (or YOURSELF;) ) has also changed.:)

[fzzy]

My advice is very similar ... I have a good friend who has some measure of celebrity and I met the family after that had been achieved .... we became friends through common interests, etc., but she told me once that it was easy to spot someone who just liked them for that reason ... I'm sure it is the same with money ... when you truly care about someone, it shows through in how you are with them, as well as just who you are as an individual ... they'll know you are contacting them with genuine love and care and that it has nothing to do with money!

[Cheyanne]

I would write him a letter and express your concerns much the same that you have done here. Straight and to the point, without any undo emotions to cloud the letter that would allow any misinterpretations on your Uncle's part. That way, he will know exactly where you stand on the matter, and that you care for him just for him and not his money. (I wouldn't include the thoughts you have about standing by him though, that may appear as if you are "brown-nosing".)

After you have written the letter, let it be. You may or may not receive a response from him. Then just resume your normal activity of contacting him a couple of times a year and go from there. Expressing honest worries and thoughts to him, I feel, is the best approach IMO.

[dicksbro]

I think Cheyanne has it about right. The letter and then resume your normal contacting of him.

Cheyanne, you are soooooo impressive! ;)

[GingerV]

Something a little similar happened to some very close friends of our family (fell into unexpected money). It did make their lives and relationships complicated in ways they didn't expect....and part of that was friends and family developing awkwardnesses around them. My Dad, who very rarely gets it right...but when he does he puts it out of the park, just kept talking to them like it had never happened. I don't mean he pretends it didn't, I mean that he congratualted them, told them he was happy for them, that it couldn't happen to a nicer couple of folks, admired the car/house/whatever as you would with any friend, and didn't make a big thing out of it one way or the other. They are immensely special people because of the size of their hearts and the quality of their humor...that what he enjoyed, that's what he still enjoys. He still takes over a sixpack when he visits...cause it's polite, and it's what you DO when you visit people in his part of the world. And while they've never said, I think they're grateful he didn't wierd out one way or the other. They didn't keep a lot of friends in the years that followed their good luck. Dad just never changed, so he stayed.

So, for what it's worth, if it ever happens in my life again....I'm gonna congratulate them and then try to forget that I know about the money. Just keep treating them like the people they always were. Because they would be, just luckier. And if THEY wierd out about what my unstated intentions might be....well, then they're not the people I knew anymore afterall. That's their call.

Good luck with it!

[Oldfart]

Territory wisdom, "same, same."