dating

[Fairy-Bird]

Hello I'm fairly new to pixies... I'm Teddy's oldest daughter.

Quite recently I've been heart broken and screwed over by a (now) former lover. I was with this guy for a little over a year, he was my first intimate realationship along with being the longest relationship. And before someone rants and raves that I'll get over it because I'm young, DON'T, because I've heard it. And saying that doesnt stop the hurting. The greif of a lost relationship and a loss of many more things (ie my dignaty, temporarily had lost my self respect, a potential child).

Anyway I've even more recently (the past month) found myself back in the dating game. And my having been burnt so badly in my last relationship I'm now wary, and for once actually enjoying being single! However I am currently seeing two guys. Casually dating. I've told both I dont want to be exclusive and I aired all my dirty laundry to them and they both accept it.

The thing that really irritates me though is that because I'm seeing MORE than one person, a few people have had the audicaty to call me a slut or tisk tisk me for sleeping around.

Now- Am I wrong here or are their opinions completly uncalled for and unvalidated? along with being down right rude and ignorant. Now is it only bothering me because self consiously I was thinking the same thing but "how dare they call me that" ? OR Is it because I think I'm a fairly nice person and I would try to never lable someone. MAYBE its because its just such a common double standard and that just needs to die! (not to make myself out to be a feminist or anything *L*)

*END RANT & puts on Christina Aguilera's "Can't Hold Us Down"*

:confused: Feed back is welcome and wanted!

[fzzy]

LOL ... have as much fun as you can while you are young!!! ... You've been open and honest in the situation with the people who are involved and dating 2 guys at a time does not a slut make!!! ... Time to recover is a good strategy .. gives you time to work out what happened and what you would like to do differently and the same in the next committed relationship!

Best of luck in both near and far future events. :)

[Cheyanne]

Exactly as fzzy said.... dating 2 guys at the same time does not a slut make!!

As long as you are open and honest with all involved, what should it matter what others think or label you as??? I know that it is human nature to want to please and follow the standards that "society" sets for us..... and it hurts all the same that people are going to judge you for what you do/don't do, but............. be confident in who you are and what you want.

As long as you are happy, and it isn't hurting the other 2 men in your life - as they are totally accepting of what is going on.... go for it. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing... :D

It is just closed minded people who judge behaviors based on mis-information....and sometimes it is too bad that those kinds of people have a tendancy to set standards..... it is time for someone to break them...

[osuche]

As long as both gents know and you're comfortable don't sweat it. BUT...you may not want to go out of your way to mention either guy to friends or acquaintences.

I've always believed that a lady does not kiss and tell...so mostly I don't talk about my relationships or sex life much to those around me. Of course, your closest friends will know...but who says anyone else needs to?

And if your closest friends are judging...you may need to get new friends...

[Fairy-Bird]

fzzy- thanks for the lucky wishes... I sure could use em!

Cheyanne- I agree its time we women step up and take charge of changing society's expectations.

Osuche- A lady may not kiss and tell, however I am not a lady. *L* Not nearly proper enough... I am a woman but that in and of itself doesn't make me a lady. *grins* But great advice Thank you!

[BigBear57]

Fairy-Bird, if I may. My personal opinion about those name callers is that most are either wishing they had the courage to do the same thing or scared of it and they call you names to justify to themselves their not going for it. Your words seem to indicate you're pretty self-assured and know what you're doing so go ahead and enjoy life. Just know there's always some people who condemn anything they either don't understand or fear. It bites but that's just human nature. Best wishes to you Hon.

[Fairy-Bird]

BigBear- Thank you... I do pride myself in being articulate *grins* and thank you for your kind words of encourgement!

[ryker]

Go for it Fairy-Bird, as long as no one get's hurt then it is okay.

Live life to the full and enjoy it

[Grumble]

If you were playing one off against the other and not being honest about it, then I would be cautioning you about the consequences of deceit.

But you have been open and honest and the guys accept the situation so I commend you on handling that well.

I really hate the word slut. It is not a name I would call anyone and what business is it of others anyway. How dare they make assumptions that you are having sex with them. BTW I dont want to know. Its your and your date's business, no one elses.

You stay true to yourself and you cant go wrong

Best wishes Hun and be happy

Grumble

[kgb253]

Go for it girl.

The ones that say such things are usually jealous because they either can't get up the courage to try it themselves, or they can't attract more than one bloke at a time.

Aslong as your honest about it with them, and take care of precautions (check 'em out first) then have fun lass!

[GingerV]

It's all been said, but sometimes repetition helps us believe the truth.

It sounds like you went through hell, and I'm sorry for that. But I think you're right...when pain heals, it does it on its own time table. You're right to deal with yours by your own rules, according to what feels right to you, and not by anyone else's.

Dating two guys at the same time does not make you a slut. Dating five guys at the same time does not make you a slut. Dating five guys in the same night does not make you a slut (just incredibly busy). There is no rule that after a guy buys you dinner, he has any reason to expect exclusivity. All he gets is the pleasure of your company, a graceful thank you at the end, and whatever else you choose to offer. Which you obviously already know. You're being honest with these guys, you're treating both them and yourself with honestly, respect and dignity. So long as that's true....you have nothing to be upset or ashamed about, so far as I can see.

Anyone who says different needs to pay more attention to their own problems and less to everyone elses.

As far as the questions you asked at the end of your post...it's entirely possible that you're right about ALL of them to one degree or another. They're not mutually exclusive options. But to a large extent, I think they only matter insofar as this label is bugging you. Let go of that, and they become trivia, IMHO.

So my advice, for what it's worth, is to relax. Enjoy the ride. "Kiss" as many boys as you want. And IF you're ever ready for another deep dive into monogomy, you'll know long beforer the gossips do.

[Fairy-Bird]

Ryker- My intentions are not to hurt, thats the whole reason I've been so honest with both guys. ;-)

grumbleguts- deciet is one thing I wouldnt be able to pull off... too hard to keep up with all the lies I would think and then make ME look bad! I've earned their respect and plan on keeping it. *nods for emphasis*

kgb253- Courage is one thing I'm building for myself. I figure life is too short to waste being a wall flower!

GingerV- Yeah hell is a good word to describe how I was feeling... I was in a dark place for a little bit and decided I didnt want to be there or get worse so I took control an got help.
As for ...'not a slut, (just incredibly busy)'... LMFAO!!!

Thank you all for your kindness!!!

[Prophet Reality]

It sounds to me that you are recovering how you need to. And only you can determine that. As for the 2 guys, as long as you are open and honest with them and YOURSELF, then have fun. Be safe! And enjoy life to the fullest!

[PantyFanatic]

Hello I'm fairly new to pixies... I'm Teddy's oldest daughter.
It’s been a while, but trot out the mom/daughter team. This is better than the sister team. :lust::D:lust:

LOL- I did punch up that statement to make a point to you (and a happy thought for me.;) ). YOUR reaction can only happen if I make a statement like that. All the points made universally, by everybody above are ones that I agree with, but it’s YOU that needs to be the center of your considerations Fairy-Bird. And I do NOT mean that in a selfish manner.

I always refer to Astronomy 101 / lesson 1- “The sun does NOT rise and set in the crack of ANYBODIES ass!”:rolleyes" I believe totally that you have a right to go with your personal desires as they are now, with the awareness of their effects on others. I personally believe this to the point that it can be a wasteful sin NOT to.

The balance of responsibility and fulfillment applies to your intimate life just as it does to your education, professional, business or personal life. The one thing I can suggest is “DISCRETION”. This being about YOUR motivations, becomes easier when you do not take other “causes” into it. If it doesn’t involve them, leave them (and their opinions) out of it.:cool: If you’re doing something to “show” any one, you may want to take another look.

Your thoughts and needs WILL change as time goes on, (as they should). I only want to be able to look back with a nominal feel of guilt for what I DID do and what I DIDN’T do. I long ago conceded that nothing is perfect. I just honestly try to narrow the margins.

[BIBI]

^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
What PF said! ;)

[Fairy-Bird]

Prophet Reality- didnt really even think of it as a recovering meathod but yeah it makes sense.... thanks!

PantyFanatic- um Mother/ Daughter team? hehe "I believe totally that you have a right to go with your personal desires as they are now, with the awareness of their effects on others." YEP

BIBI - oh so articulate! lol thanks though!

[Incubus255]

lol how could I not post on the topic posted by the daugter of my good friend bearly lol ^__^

anyway just to add my two cents, I'd like to say that I don't think they have any right to call you a slut, although they may not believe that it's right to date two guys at once as long as the two guys know exactly what the signed on for theres not much of a problem ,

They are old enough to know what they are getting into and so are you so best of luck to both of you, the beliefs of the populace should never hold you back, heck plenty of people live there whole lives not knowing what they truely stand for lol, anyway, as long as you think you can handle it go for it.

[Prophet Reality]

Glad I could help.

[Fairy-Bird]

Incubus255- I certainly hope they know what they're getting into, as I've been painfully open with both... *grins* Thanks!