In need of a hug

[Belial]

To be blunt, I feel like shit, and have for a while now (1-2 months). Need to figure out how to improve self-esteem I guess.
That's pretty much all I have to say now.

[Midnight Kiss]

HUGS

[Belial]

Thanks Midnight Kiss *hugs back*

[Sharni]

*Hugeous hugz for you*

[flutelady]

Recognizing that there's a problem is the first step. You've done that, so good for you. You are now on the path to feeling better.

*warm hugs*

[Belial]

Thanks everyone :)

I feel a bit better now that I just got my uni. results and did better than expected.
My problem, to be more specific, is, as far as I can tell, that I seem to need a girl to make me feel like I'm attractive, because I certainly don't feel that way. It's one of the reasons I posted my (clothed) pics in the Men's section, and the feedback helped a bit, but I still feel rotten a lot of the time.
So I guess I need some way to produce that feeling without it coming from a girl who may never enter my life, but I don't know how.

[Casperr]

Ok...... first things first.....

You don't really want a hug from me. It's Unaustralian for guys to hug ;) teehehee!!
Kiddin' mate!

But seriously, you've worked yourself into a viscious circle. You have low self-esteem because you don't have a girl. Well guess what? Girls don't consider low self-esteem to be attractive! So if you've got low self-esteem you won't get a girl. And if you don't get a girl, you'll have low self esteem. Etc, etc, and so on.

What are your reasons for your low self esteem? Identify them, and work on them - to a point. There's no need to get ridiculous, try not to be a perfectionist - you're not out to try and attract fussy, perfectionist, think-they're-so-good-girls are you!

Given your post, you sound like you're unhappy with your looks? Your weight? FIX IT! Sign up at a gym, make a committment to go jogging three mornings a week, organise a regular game of squash or basketball with friends - or hell, just go for a long walk each evening. Do something to get fit and healthy - even if you don't get a girl instantly, you'll still feel a lot better about yourself.

Sorry if this sounds like I'm bullying you, but it's just a case of analysing what you're happy with and what you're unhappy with - and everyone should do such self-analysis regularly anyway.

Finally - don't forget to be positive and stay positive. Look at the good things in your life -congraulations on your Uni results! That's great! Think about the other things you've got going for you too - your friends, family, Pixies not closing down, that sort of think. Look at your good personality traits - do you have a good sense of humour? A particular skill that others appreciate?

I'm sure there are lots of things you should be happy with in your life. Time to recognise them and celebrate them, I think!

Once again, congratulations on your Uni results!
Good luck, and keep us posted mate.
CasperTG

[Lovediva]

(((((((((((((((((((BELIAL))))))))))))))))))))))

[osuche]

Confidence is key. I've slept with models, fatties, thinnies, older men (I'm 26 and he was 52) and everything in between. What matters is your confidence, our connection, and the presence of your interest. I need yout o be totally into the most important thing in my life...ME.

So -- don't be desperate but do be caring and accessible. Start slow an dbuild your confidence.

Besides -- having sex and/or being in a relationship is NOT the most important thing in life. The most important thing in life is knowing and loving yourself. The rest will come when that happens.

[Steph]

What Casper said is true. You've got to do it yourself. A girlfriend can't raise your self esteem . . . joining a gym or exercise in general truly helps you feel better. Good luck!!

[cowgirltease]

you are a cutie!;) You cum hang around the chatroom and we'll break you of that shyness!:D hehe:hot:

[Belial]

Thanks everyone for your responses, *hugs* :)
And welcome back, Lovediva :)

I'll try and be a little more specific.

I think I have difficulty relating to girls. I never had one as a friend (but not a girlfriend) until I was about 19. In my course, the male to female ratio is something like 24:1, and without a job or other regular source of income I don't get out much. Hence, I have little to no idea how to meet and then talk to females except as regular friends (and even then I'm not too good). Most attempts have been abortive and utter failures. My interests don't tend to be ones shared by girls. Based on tests, my Meyer-Briggs personality type is INTJ, if that means anything to anyone.

I don't like my face. It seems very..I don't know exactly, but it seems different to other guys' faces in ways that look odd/bad/strange/etc. I've never liked it, I'm pretty sure that ever since I was five years old I've insisted when looking at photos of myself that I look like an idiot.

I don't like my hair. Sorry, no, I don't like my hair loss. I'm losing it around 10 years ahead of schedule, and I realise that I could get it replaced, but I'm not sure I want to bother, and I wouldn't have the money anyway.

I'm lazy academically, which I don't like. I guess I end up trying to spend my time trying to feel better (which usually means wrapping myself up in non-academic things) which then makes me feel worse because I fall behind. I don't care that much about my marks, but rather what I actually learn, and I don't seem to learn too much.

That's all I can think of for now, sorry for the long whine.

[osuche]

Focus on what you LIKE about yourself. Build yourself up! Again, if YOU like you the gals will too. None of that superficial stuff matters...

[jennaflower]

Belial.....

FIRST (and most importantly) HUGS x 1000.

Second... as mentioned above.. concentrate on the things that you find good about yourself.. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that within you there are many wonderful qualities.

Third... give yourself a break... don't put sooo much pressure on yourself to find a mate.... Have fun... go out.. enjoy life.. and when you do those things... she will cross your path :)

HUGS

[Loulabelle]

Ok first off Belial - you have something of the look of my ex fiance so don't insult your face as that insults my taste! :D

Secondly, I do so know how you feel, and let's get real: we know that whether or not you have a partner shouldn't affect your confidence, but we also know that in fact it does.

Also, you mention that you only know how to talk to women as though they are friends. Does this mean that you relate to them as equals? With respect? Honesty? That you listen to what they say? That you're there for them when they need you?.....OMG I think I'm in love! Hehehehe.....what I mean to say is that that is exactly the way you should be talking to them. That's what women actually like. Not necessarily all women, admittedly (you'll probably have to discount the impeccably manicured, never a hair out of place, always in the latest fashions bimbos with nothing to say - because quite frankly they are barbie dolls and all they are looking for is a Ken doll. Eeeew. Be glad you're not one of those, because what will be left of you when that face begins to wrinkle and the body begins to sag? However, it seems to me that you're doing everything right if you're looking to attract the Jennaflowers, Stephs, Loulabelles and Liliths of this world.

19 is a shit age. And other 19 year olds are pretty awful creatures too. Especially girls (note I said girls not women). It sounds to me, is that you've committed the crime of growing into a sensible, mature adult just a little bit earlier than those around you which is leaving you with a void of people to relate to. Don't worry - they'll catch up. You just need to believe in yourself that you're doing everything right. Don't go changing as it sounds like it's the people around you who need to do a little growing up, not you. In the meantime, continue to nurture your friendships with the women around you. Learn from them. Talk to them about their boyfriend problems and learn how not to be a meat head like some of the guys they're probably dating. Learn how women like situations to be handled, and most of all, learn how all women are different so that you treat them all as individuals and realise that there will be more than a few in this world who are good enough for the likes of a guy like you.


Take care, and PM me anytime if you want to talk. And sorry if you think this is all utter BS! LOL

[rabbit]

Dude, you have a lot of positives that you are just overlooking. Seek them out, embrace them, and build on them. Hey, we all have things we wish were better or different, no one's perfect....that's what makes us all unique and special. Love and believe in yourself first because of that specialness....and fight for yourself.

I went through a period in my life when I had self-confidence problems and depression and I turned to booze to drown it out. Nothing good came from it...the darkest period of my life.

Things only got better when I decided to make them so, when I realized and embraced all the good things I had going for me in my life.


rabbit

[Belial]

Thankyou, once again, to everyone :) I think I can learn to be a bit less self-conscious and at least fake some confidence, and not assume I'll be rejected all the time.

:D

*hugs everyone*

[pinkbutton]

aw belial hope your ok babe 1000x hugs from me !

[LixyChick]

Originally posted by Loulabelle
Ok first off Belial - you have something of the look of my ex fiance so don't insult your face as that insults my taste! :D

Secondly, I do so know how you feel, and let's get real: we know that whether or not you have a partner shouldn't affect your confidence, but we also know that in fact it does.

Also, you mention that you only know how to talk to women as though they are friends. Does this mean that you relate to them as equals? With respect? Honesty? That you listen to what they say? That you're there for them when they need you?.....OMG I think I'm in love! Hehehehe.....what I mean to say is that that is exactly the way you should be talking to them. That's what women actually like. Not necessarily all women, admittedly (you'll probably have to discount the impeccably manicured, never a hair out of place, always in the latest fashions bimbos with nothing to say - because quite frankly they are barbie dolls and all they are looking for is a Ken doll. Eeeew. Be glad you're not one of those, because what will be left of you when that face begins to wrinkle and the body begins to sag? However, it seems to me that you're doing everything right if you're looking to attract the Jennaflowers, Stephs, Loulabelles and Liliths of this world.

19 is a shit age. And other 19 year olds are pretty awful creatures too. Especially girls (note I said girls not women). It sounds to me, is that you've committed the crime of growing into a sensible, mature adult just a little bit earlier than those around you which is leaving you with a void of people to relate to. Don't worry - they'll catch up. You just need to believe in yourself that you're doing everything right. Don't go changing as it sounds like it's the people around you who need to do a little growing up, not you. In the meantime, continue to nurture your friendships with the women around you. Learn from them. Talk to them about their boyfriend problems and learn how not to be a meat head like some of the guys they're probably dating. Learn how women like situations to be handled, and most of all, learn how all women are different so that you treat them all as individuals and realise that there will be more than a few in this world who are good enough for the likes of a guy like you.


Take care, and PM me anytime if you want to talk. And sorry if you think this is all utter BS! LOL
And this.......from a woman who is so wise beyond her own years! (((((Loulabelle)))))

And one for you too (((((((Belial)))))))!

Listen and take heed of the wise words from Lou! Her words are not just words.....but insight to something you initially sought! You asked and explained yourself.........now read and re-read......till it is absorbed and you understand that there is no more a perfect and insightful response!

[Pussy Willow]

I do hope you're feeling better soon, I've had bouts with low
self-esteem myself. It's no fun !!!!!!!!!!

(HUGS)